The Great North Sperm Race

Swimming around day in, day out
Stuck to these dark dingy balls
Give me a hand, I need to escape  
These slippery slimy walls
 
There's been a steward's enquiry, photo finish
With plenty of false empty starts
Losing count, the amount of times
I've seen legs spread open apart
 
Starting orders at the race line
Sporting my sixty-nine vest
Hoping that this bloody time
I'll finish ahead of the rest
 
(COMMENTARY)
 
BANG, THEY'RE OFF
A STEEP CLIMB UPTO PLUM HILLS
DUCKING AND DIVING, A FEW TAIL OFF
WITH ALL THE THRILLS AND THE SPILLS
IN POSITION, GOING GOOD
THE TWO-THIRTY NOVICE SPERM CHASE
BUMPING AND JUMPING, AT SPEED IN THE LEAD
KEEPING A GOOD BUT STEADY PACE
 
Touching distance
I've come so far, I simply can not fail
Come on, one last push
Frantically wiggling my tail