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dusk

there's an archive on the internet
devastating words that I connect
to like a blade in my side
and it bleeds out the truth
twist the tip in the bullseye
where I buried my youth

subliminal shadow work
has helped me recover
most of myself, but I'm
worn down parts of a lover
it's my deepest need
and I am filled with regret
trying to live my life alone
but I'm not okay with it

I've collapsed
a hundred times over
choked on the blood pouring out
from the cut in my throat
I might have grown gills
if I hadn't become a ghost
but I'm ten percent sure
my life is not my own

there's definitely
something wrong with me
I'm a lone dancer in an
imaginary ballroom
I rip my dress to ribbons
and climb up the stairs
briefly consider the rail
then scream at the empty instead

but I wrap that strand
with shaking hands around my neck
pull tighter until skin
pinches and tears
avoiding mirrors
run away from my reflection
staring back out at me
drenched in the tears we both share

there's definitely
something wrong with me
I set my heart out to bleed
on the family table
and it's died among years of
confusion and betrayal
I'm ten percent sure
one day I will take my life

Written by scalesofascorpion

Published 20th Jan 2025

#despair #grief #MentalHealth #sadness #SelfHarm

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Re. dusk

backdeckbenny

20th Jan 2025 8:56pm

But there is still 90% to work with.

It's a beautiful piece you've written.

The hardest part of living with mental suffering is learning that nothing is permanent.Its just not possible to suffer 24/7.Even in the depths of despair you will find something thought that eases your pain.It might be very fleeting.Grab it and hang on....it's gonna be a rough ride.

🙏🙏