Frosted Windows

He has no idea how hard I try.
Then when it's time to defend myself, this pain in my chest, this exhaustion, has no answer to give.
I can feel myself checking out.
Two loved ones dying of cancer, not enough determination to even make a sandwich.
I'm numb, I'm broken, I love just as deep, but defense mechanisms are massively protecting and hurting me at the same time.
This snow with the bright red Robin, she's fluttering about, ruffling her feathers as she picks from the assorted feed I throw out for them.
Yesterday I had doves, as I sip my coffee and stare out my crystallized windows.
Life hurts right now...