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My birthday breakdown last year...
My last breakdown....
...was my birthday 2023.
My father would have been 86.
I turned 49. I knew him less
than 6 months of my adult life.
My mother had kept us apart...
told each of us the other was dead...
this was before the Internet boomed.
Before we all had cell phones. All those lost years. Then he died. We shared a birthday.
We never got to share that birthday together. So, every year since '97 that day has haunted me. It was nothing special as a child...no presents...no cake! It COULD HAVE BEEN so special if Dad had lived longer!
But after Dad died. I would be crying all week near December 28th and nightmares haunted me at night. Zombie family members trying to rape me. I'd wake in sweat or to discover that I had peed the bed. Over and over!
Most of the family members are long dead...including Mom. But ever so alive in my head when I tried to sleep. Try being sane after a week with seven hours of sleep! I'll tell you how that worked out for me...
I guess I sleepwalked naked. Down a major street in my hood. High crime area! A neighbor called the police and I was put "in" on a weekend psych hold. Don't ever fight it!
DON'T EVER FIGHT IT!!! I mean it! Don't!
Of course I fought it. I disputed it. I couldn't believe it. But I was shown a photo...(boy I have a nice ass) and I fought my way from 3 days to 3 month. At least there were no charges! It also didn't make the news.
Their meds made me loopy. They tried a few combinations. I tried to explain but they don't listen to crazy! My previous meds were fine.
It was other factors. Eventually they found the right meds - the ones I had been on!
They had me in counseling and group. Not my counselor. They ignored my records.
That made me more depressed and argumentative. That didn't help me! Days
and weeks went by...and by...and by...
I shut up. I decided what they what they wanted to hear and that's what I told them. They sprung me! I got out on April 1st. No joke. They even gave me a ride back home to
see if I still lived there. Surprisingly I still did!
My stuff had been put in storage but the apartment was still vacant. So I was back home and unboxed in hours. Nothing was broken. Nothing stolen. Edge of ghetto fine!
I did have to cum up with back rent! Ewww.
Real criminals live in my building and they spend less time in jail than me in psych. It's not right. You can shit on the sidewalk in San Francisco. But a naked girl in Buffalo can't walk toward the store for toothpaste?
I'm only guessing cause they say I was carrying a toothbrush. I also had a tampon string dangling but let's go with the toothpaste. I wonder if the cops took photos?
A naked guy with a toothbrush? I would have!
I'd like to say I'm better. This year was bad, too. I'm on the other side of it now! Almost another year 'til I go through it again! When
I got out in April I ate a cupcake to celebrate my dad's birthday. I did it again this year!
...was my birthday 2023.
My father would have been 86.
I turned 49. I knew him less
than 6 months of my adult life.
My mother had kept us apart...
told each of us the other was dead...
this was before the Internet boomed.
Before we all had cell phones. All those lost years. Then he died. We shared a birthday.
We never got to share that birthday together. So, every year since '97 that day has haunted me. It was nothing special as a child...no presents...no cake! It COULD HAVE BEEN so special if Dad had lived longer!
But after Dad died. I would be crying all week near December 28th and nightmares haunted me at night. Zombie family members trying to rape me. I'd wake in sweat or to discover that I had peed the bed. Over and over!
Most of the family members are long dead...including Mom. But ever so alive in my head when I tried to sleep. Try being sane after a week with seven hours of sleep! I'll tell you how that worked out for me...
I guess I sleepwalked naked. Down a major street in my hood. High crime area! A neighbor called the police and I was put "in" on a weekend psych hold. Don't ever fight it!
DON'T EVER FIGHT IT!!! I mean it! Don't!
Of course I fought it. I disputed it. I couldn't believe it. But I was shown a photo...(boy I have a nice ass) and I fought my way from 3 days to 3 month. At least there were no charges! It also didn't make the news.
Their meds made me loopy. They tried a few combinations. I tried to explain but they don't listen to crazy! My previous meds were fine.
It was other factors. Eventually they found the right meds - the ones I had been on!
They had me in counseling and group. Not my counselor. They ignored my records.
That made me more depressed and argumentative. That didn't help me! Days
and weeks went by...and by...and by...
I shut up. I decided what they what they wanted to hear and that's what I told them. They sprung me! I got out on April 1st. No joke. They even gave me a ride back home to
see if I still lived there. Surprisingly I still did!
My stuff had been put in storage but the apartment was still vacant. So I was back home and unboxed in hours. Nothing was broken. Nothing stolen. Edge of ghetto fine!
I did have to cum up with back rent! Ewww.
Real criminals live in my building and they spend less time in jail than me in psych. It's not right. You can shit on the sidewalk in San Francisco. But a naked girl in Buffalo can't walk toward the store for toothpaste?
I'm only guessing cause they say I was carrying a toothbrush. I also had a tampon string dangling but let's go with the toothpaste. I wonder if the cops took photos?
A naked guy with a toothbrush? I would have!
I'd like to say I'm better. This year was bad, too. I'm on the other side of it now! Almost another year 'til I go through it again! When
I got out in April I ate a cupcake to celebrate my dad's birthday. I did it again this year!
Published 2nd Jan 2025
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2nd Jan 2025 3:39am
2nd Jan 2025 5:59am
2nd Jan 2025 12:09pm
Happy Belated Birthday. Toothbrush to a convenance store naked. Seems like your mind had enough and just wanted to brush its teeth. interesting write.
2nd Jan 2025 12:22pm
2nd Jan 2025 5:39pm
Once you’re in the system it’s like hell trying to find your way to a place where you’re heard. Until then, you learn the rules and play the game. I’m
Glad it was only three months.
It’s just my opinion, but I think your voice could be the voice for many.
I hope that was the best fucking cupcake you ever had.
Happy Belayed bday.
Glad it was only three months.
It’s just my opinion, but I think your voice could be the voice for many.
I hope that was the best fucking cupcake you ever had.
Happy Belayed bday.
2nd Jan 2025 6:08pm
2023's was a snack as I went out the door. Yellow and vanilla. It was great cause I ate it back at home. 2024 on the 27th, I bought a specialty cupcake. Boston cream inside like the donut and chocolate on top. $4.50. I ate it at midnight and screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY out my hall window. At noon, I bought a helium ballon at the liquor store and wrote Dad on the back of it. The front said Happy New Year. I released it out the hall window (my best view). Then I started drinking, sleeping, crying and trying to write. The 1st was better.
