the real you won't be framed on a wall

I let a lifetime of lies  
crash over me  
and I would rather deny  
the truth than see you  
as you really are  
 
It's embarrassing now
that I held you up so high
a pedestal you shouldn't  
have been gifted with  
in my childhood memories
that I haven't outgrown  
 
Because I wanted to be like  
the best parts of you  
and pretend that everything else  
wasn't toxic  
 
But you're so toxic  
and I'm left searching  
for an antidote  
only to come up empty  
and self medicate instead  
 
Everything is ending  
and I don't see an afterlife  
where you and I fit  
 
I let a lifetime of lies  
crash over me