deepundergroundpoetry.com
So I Move On
I accept what has been done
to me although I find it hard
to look in a mirror when I
know that I am lying! Why me?
I was born into a sadistic family
of incestuous perversions. They
were abused and passed it on
to me and the rest of the family.
It wasn't just family. It was friends,
neighbors and even a slimy Elvis
impersonator! It's all I knew. It's
how I thought the world was!
I grew up. I got out. Right into
a violent situation where I was
again beaten, raped and threatened
with death! It's all I knew!
I didn't believe compliments -
they inticed sexual abuse! An
uncle would say, "She's pretty,"
right before anal rape!
Mother would dispute it, "She's about
as pretty as the ass end of a pitbull."
She'd point and mouth BEATING LATER!
All while watching Uncle enjoy me.
Maybe it was jealousy? I always got the
beatings. She never forgot - but I never
got answers as to why she didn't love
me? She took that to her grave.
Marriage #2 - I tried to fix a man who just wanted booze and drugs. A time he was sober - he got
violent and beat me nearly to death!
But no rapes. He couldn't get it up.
Marriage #3 - Should have been a keeper.
But I just couldn't understand love
or affection! It didn't fit the mold. It
wasn't what I knew. I couldn't relate.
to me although I find it hard
to look in a mirror when I
know that I am lying! Why me?
I was born into a sadistic family
of incestuous perversions. They
were abused and passed it on
to me and the rest of the family.
It wasn't just family. It was friends,
neighbors and even a slimy Elvis
impersonator! It's all I knew. It's
how I thought the world was!
I grew up. I got out. Right into
a violent situation where I was
again beaten, raped and threatened
with death! It's all I knew!
I didn't believe compliments -
they inticed sexual abuse! An
uncle would say, "She's pretty,"
right before anal rape!
Mother would dispute it, "She's about
as pretty as the ass end of a pitbull."
She'd point and mouth BEATING LATER!
All while watching Uncle enjoy me.
Maybe it was jealousy? I always got the
beatings. She never forgot - but I never
got answers as to why she didn't love
me? She took that to her grave.
Marriage #2 - I tried to fix a man who just wanted booze and drugs. A time he was sober - he got
violent and beat me nearly to death!
But no rapes. He couldn't get it up.
Marriage #3 - Should have been a keeper.
But I just couldn't understand love
or affection! It didn't fit the mold. It
wasn't what I knew. I couldn't relate.
Published 15th Dec 2024
Author's Note
An extension of "It's All I Knew."
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
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comments 3
reads 42
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Dec 2024 10:45pm
Without sounding trite,
I’m glad you’ve found a place where you feel comfortable sharing your story.
Most people will read but may not comment.
Write anyway, purge that shit.
You’re not alone. My walk may not be exactly the same, but I hear you.
I’m glad you’ve found a place where you feel comfortable sharing your story.
Most people will read but may not comment.
Write anyway, purge that shit.
You’re not alone. My walk may not be exactly the same, but I hear you.
16th Dec 2024 00:54am
I will continue. I get a few comments a day. Each validate my existence. It took along time to realize that
abuse didn't happen to everyone. As my piece aptly named "It's All I Knew" begins: "So I Move On" continues and the trilogy will complete with FREEBIRD sometime after 11pm.
abuse didn't happen to everyone. As my piece aptly named "It's All I Knew" begins: "So I Move On" continues and the trilogy will complete with FREEBIRD sometime after 11pm.
16th Dec 2024 2:40am
