Ringside

Tracy takes me to Ringside Steakhouse the day before my birthday
We get our entrees at 9:30 PM.
 
I've flown from Phoenix to Portland
Spent Thanksgiving with my sister
Then taken the train to Tacoma to visit old friends
 
By the time a bus gets me back to Portland, it's late and I'm not very hungry
I haven't seen Tracy in 14 years
and it's only the second time seeing him in almost twenty
He's not on social media, so I didn't know how to age him in my mind
I never thought of him as fat,
but he's lost something like 50 pounds
and has gray hair and a weird scraggly beard
and his hand trembles.
 
Not the man I knew.
 
And does he even remember me?
 
When we were a couple he once said
Honey where do you want to go to dinner...besides Thai?
I always wanted Thai
Still do
But I like casual brewpubs too
anywhere fun, really
Ringside is old and stuffy
but Tracy's intentions were good
he was thinking Portland tradition
 
But I'm not big on tradition
 
As we're walking in, he tells me I can order whatever I want
even lobster he says
He's got big bucks
enjoys spending on others
but lobster??
 
Are you saying that because you remember how much I hate seafood?
I expect him to go "Oh, yeah...duh!"
but he just looks puzzled.
Oops.
Now I've been rude.
 
He tells me the Martinis are great
Does he not remember that I rarely drink hard liquor?
I don't even know how to have a Martini, I joke stupidly
-I've never had one-
"Um, sip" says his wife (wife! no one thought he'd ever marry)
 
I order a Whiskey Sour
It's one of the few old- fashioned things I like
Onion rings arrive first
A Ringside tradition I'm told
They're Flintstone sized
and indeed quite good
but again, I'm not that hungry
 
The waiter is peddling the prime rib
Medium rare
Um, okay, I guess
I order the petite size
Tracy orders the regular
 
While we're waiting the three of us talk
The wife and I click fairly well
We talk of my mom's death three weeks before
She reminds me death by dementia is called the long goodbye
I had forgetten that, and needed to hear it
because yes, that's exactly what it was.
I express my gratitude
 
Talk turns lighter
our teen crushes
Hers was Eric Estrada, which is sort of hilarious
Tiger Beat magazine
She's around five years younger than me.
 
When the entrees arrive
my red prime rib looks like a lion's lunch.
My first thought is I'm supposed to eat this?
It comes with freshly-grated horseradish which is a saving grace
I'm a horseradish whore.
 
I'd hadn't brushed my hair or reapplied lipstick
-and barely even looked in a mirror-
since my friends and I had a wonderful, windblown walk in Tacoma
How is Tracy seeing me?
Am I doing okay?
Would he and his wife want to see me again?
Dare I ask myself
If I'd want to see them?
 
Tracy and his wife drive me back to my sister's house in the suburbs
Let me give you a hug says the wife (who I hadn't really wanted to come along)
I'm surprised how genuine her hug is
Tracy's and mine is more awkward
but I suppose that's fitting.
 
I'm still wondering how I did
-not an issue in the slightest with the other friends I saw-
and realizing sadly
that if another 14 years pass
seeing Tracy again  
may be too late.