Learning How To Walk Again

My perfectionist tendencies will corner me at any moment. Checkmate, Sarah.

You didn't give yourself compassion today? Well, you're just a negative Nancy.

You didn't say positive affirmations? Well, you're just a loser who will never win.

You didn't exercise regularly and eat perfect meals? You are a slob.

You didn't feel special and you feel forever abandoned? You just have a victim mentality.

I'm Barbie becoming human, getting out of my plastic case. Learning to not be perfect. Learning to follow my heart. Learning that I know what will truly make me happy and feel alive.

I'm not there right now. I constantly never know what day it is, reading triggers me due to someone else's story be put ahead of mine, and learning any new skill is like trying to get up out of the sea with an anchor holding me down.

I'm learning how to walk again. I'm constantly in a fog. Constantly distrust my inner voice.

But Free will heal me even if I want to listen to that voice that says "How dare you write a story similar to the Josh scenario..."

No, I'm honoring my feelings and trying to trust that love was there.

It wasn't all just in my head.

I embrace the fact that I'm terrified of being disappointed and want to scream at the thought of becoming forever abandoned.

But I'm here. I'm learning to walk again slowly.

If that means not watching anyone else's Instagram or YouTube channel and binge watching mine, so be it.

I deserve to put myself first.

My mind over time will catch up to a better reality.