Finding My Worth in Myself

"You have a victim mentality," they say.
"You don't like the hard work," they say.
"You're just making excuses."
 
No, I don't let toxic people tell me who I am anymore. It's tempting to think they are right, but I think there's evidence pretty damning against them.
 
If I had a victim mentality, would I have not looked at the bright side when Hurricane Beryl took out the power? Looked at the bright side and said this gives me an opportunity to clean?
 
If I had a victim mentality, would I have tried to be a part of the school newspaper?
 
Would I have tried to volunteer multiple times only to get rejected?
 
I still wanna know why people don't give me credit. I still resent Lenny for saying I'm making excuses when I said I tried to tell him how much I didn't understand freelance writing.
 
We don't let toxic people tell us who we are anymore.
 
But what if they're not toxic? What if they're right?
 
I can't help but think I'm wrong. It's hard to decipher honestly.
 
I just wish my pain could be validated. That I could truly be seen.
 
I know I am a caring individual who helped Josh and made him feel safe after being sexually harassed by a girl last year. I know I'm a girl who giggles and laughs at the weirdest jokes. I know I'm the girl who marches to the beat of her own drum.
 
Lenny made me feel bad about myself. He said he had a growth mindset, but does he? Does he really? His words against me are very damning and insulting. His help is patronizing. I couldn't help but remove him from my life.
 
It's tempting to go back, but then, I remember my peace. I remember my voice and my opinion which is truly compassionate and beautiful. I know I'm that girl who loves Zelda and Mario. That girl who despite being disabled has a kick ass personality.
 
I know she's there, and throughout all of the lies, I still adore her.