Woes of an Relationship

I heard all you said/ I hope you got all that off your chest/
I hope you got all the emotions out and you got nothing left/
I hope you feel good about yourself and you can lay your problems all to rest/
With the smoke and dust at your back I'm sure you have no regrets/
 
All this time you wanted a punching bag/
so you can strike on it to compensate for the pain that was caused from your  
pass relationships, friends, mom or dad/  
When you let loose there is no white flag/
I'm sure this is what you meant when you said I'm a man you have never had/
 
Your flaws are excused while mine are emphasized/
and God forbid if I stand my ground/ I'll risked being seen as one who womanized/
and or Antagonize/ Wink or smile at a stranger oh no I just fraternized/
all actions I do and words I say are magnified/  
even though pure and benign/ it doesn't pay to being the good guy/
 
The narrative is more so than not scripted as if I'm the traitor/
I cant defend and be a debater/ for I'm guilty/ I'm The disloyal hater/  
no sign of relief/ I cant seek counsel or healing from family, friends or stranger/
If I do I just strengthen the alleged accusations and the fight will just continue later/
 
I see this issue as a board with pieces and I am in check/
I see all these potential moves but the outcomes are saying I  
really have no moves left/ I dont want to lay down my king just yet/
but if I dont the next move I make may just solidify my defeat  
and fill me with overwhelming regret/
 
So I bite the bullet and lay down my king/
I bow my head in sorrow as my defeat continues to ring/
praying that my victor doesn't kick me while I am down  
because it appears I am weak/
I was once proud and assertive and now I am humbled and bested/ and also meek/
 
Why pledge an alliance when the relationship is really a  contested stance/  
and a tug of war for power/ Thorns are picked in my skin to drain me from blood  
while I embrace a beautiful flower/ I heal myself and defend myself from the pain  
now I'm deemed the coward/I run to the bathroom for my only place of healing and serenity is a small space
known as my shower/
 
But that is short lived because water gets cold
stress has accelerated my expiration. I'm really feeling and looking old
This relationship would be one that will compliment me and I'll be mostly stressless and free
At least that's what I was told/ This promise was and is as fake as something plated rather it being actually gold/
 
The question I have right now. To God family and friend/ is the following:
Is going through this type of pain with someone really worth it in the end/
especially if its continual/ Man I just want to finally have a remedy that is permanent  
so I can finally and officially be mended/
Because this fight or better yet war/ seems very relentless/
 
What's worst is my opponent isn't someone who I can just defeat and pass by/
for my opponent is my closest friend/ and one whom knows me and I trusted as ally/