B  e  l  o  v  e  d

 
“ B  e  l  o  v  e  d ”
 
I read the word chiseled on that headstone. I have always wondered if that was meant to be the noun “Beloved” or the adjective. Or maybe it was intended to be “Be-Loved.” One or two words, different meanings, different  pronunciations, I can never tell.


I kneel on the damp ground on that cold December day, the same day of every year for the past eleven years. The day I lay my wreath and wait.  
 
After sunset she comes on exactly that single day of the year. She kneels next to me holding one single rose in her hand and lays it next to my dozen, then she holds my hand. We stay there for the next few minutes each wondering if this moment is real again. When we finally look into each others eyes we know it is. We only have until sunrise to make use of it. This has been the case for the past eleven years. The day since our dreams were shattered one dreadful night. We only have those few hours to catch up, to make love, to tell each other what we have been doing in between. Memories we want to remember, dreams we did not have time to live. Life is not fair. It never was.
 
When the sun starts to peak its head from beneath the depth of the retreating darkness, my beloved starts to fade until she is but a mere shadow of a distant past. My own memories start to dwindle as well, and I finally spill my last tears before everything is gone again.  
 
Before I go, I look at that word chiseled on that headstone and I weep again. I weep my last farewell for the year. Before I’m finally gone, the worn out words “Father and Husband” I read as the light finally fades away…