deepundergroundpoetry.com
Alien
It’s a seed sprouting,
a cold plant, spreading like a misty
forget-me-not.
When the familiar becomes thin, veiled
without colour or substance.
Far-off, disconnected,
as if I had been transported, between
blinks, to a pale Andromedean planet
with unfathomable languages and unrecognisable shapes.
The grass is green, but
not. The sky is blue, but not. The sun shines hot
but with a stony face.
Everything orbits a glowing abyss ,
and distant events and places
entwine, beckoning with thin figures, and whispered
warmth. My brain, imperfect machine,
hears and sees and is
taken in. But I remember how it was
before the discontinuity.
a cold plant, spreading like a misty
forget-me-not.
When the familiar becomes thin, veiled
without colour or substance.
Far-off, disconnected,
as if I had been transported, between
blinks, to a pale Andromedean planet
with unfathomable languages and unrecognisable shapes.
The grass is green, but
not. The sky is blue, but not. The sun shines hot
but with a stony face.
Everything orbits a glowing abyss ,
and distant events and places
entwine, beckoning with thin figures, and whispered
warmth. My brain, imperfect machine,
hears and sees and is
taken in. But I remember how it was
before the discontinuity.
Published 19th Nov 2024
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 79
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Nov 2024 7:33pm
21st Nov 2024 7:52am
21st Nov 2024 11:56pm
So, overall, I truly enjoyed this piece. I struggled with initially commenting due to the nature of the emotions, or feeling of disconnect, i.e. - Alien. My first impression, prior to reading the entire piece, was centered around the first two stanzas, which seemed too disconnected for me.
It’s a seed sprouting,
a cold plant, spreading like a misty
forget-me-not.
When the familiar becomes thin, veiled
without colour or substance.
Far-off, disconnected,
I was going to suggest losing the end stop on L3 S1 and changing 'When' to lowercase to reflect the connection ( as L1 & 2 aren't a complete sentence ), followed by replacing the end stop on L2 with a long dash followed by an ellipses in L3.
It’s a seed sprouting,
a cold plant, spreading like a misty
forget-me-not
when the familiar becomes thin, veiled
without colour or substance—
Far-off. . .disconnected,
But then I realized that the very piece embodies the essence of disconnection and wondered if you'd intentionally reflected it in your content?
It’s a seed sprouting,
a cold plant, spreading like a misty
forget-me-not.
When the familiar becomes thin, veiled
without colour or substance.
Far-off, disconnected,
I was going to suggest losing the end stop on L3 S1 and changing 'When' to lowercase to reflect the connection ( as L1 & 2 aren't a complete sentence ), followed by replacing the end stop on L2 with a long dash followed by an ellipses in L3.
It’s a seed sprouting,
a cold plant, spreading like a misty
forget-me-not
when the familiar becomes thin, veiled
without colour or substance—
Far-off. . .disconnected,
But then I realized that the very piece embodies the essence of disconnection and wondered if you'd intentionally reflected it in your content?
22nd Nov 2024 11:22am
The poem was written during a time of extreme disconnection, and as such, the poem embodies this as you noted.
Thank you for reading, and for your comments. Your comments and thoughts are always valued and welcome.
:))
Thank you for reading, and for your comments. Your comments and thoughts are always valued and welcome.
:))
20th Nov 2024 9:37pm
I know how this feeling of disconnection feels I often feel locked out of the day as if it's not inviting me in to be a part of everything it is unnerving this is a great write ❤️
21st Nov 2024 1:57pm
Thank you for reading and commenting:))
Yes—not a part of things; disconnected. Feeling alien
Yes—not a part of things; disconnected. Feeling alien
