My Thought For Today: Holding Onto Love Too Tightly Doesn’t Allow Room for Growth

I’m a former plant killer with black thumb, therefore, I had no business having a relationship. I put everything I had into someone else without giving myself the nourishment I required. I smothered those relationships with love. I thought I was  doing the right thing. Clearly I wasn’t. My boundaries were blurred.  
 
Through trial and error and through learning more about myself and therefore, more about trauma and C-PTSD, I’ve learned that love needs room to blossom. Fear of abandonment, the reason I clung so tightly, isn’t going to keep someone close. It’s a noose, it traps, it makes your partner feel like they have no way out. And honestly, it’s not love. It may start out that way, but it turns into a big bandage you use to keep your wounded heart from bleeding out.  
 
Love can be passionate, love makes you want to lose yourself in someone else, and when it’s healthy, those feelings are appropriate. Love is also gentle, accepting, patient, love steps back and allows for growth, understanding that there will be twists and turns, bumps in the road and possible road blocks. Love is always there, ready with open arms. Love forgives. When you’ve used love as a bandage, you crave receiving love in that manner, but you’re incapable of giving love that way.
 
Love cannot be held down, it’s multifaceted and it constantly changes. It’s meant to grow. When we fear losing someone, even if that fear is subconscious because we struggle with issues such as low self esteem, lack of self confidence, etc., we attempt to corral love and our partner. We’re overly affectionate, do too much for that person, we hover. We end up losing ourselves and our partner and we have no idea why.
 
Learning about your patterns and why you love the way you do, learning about your attachment style (another post to come) and how it affects your relationships, spending time with yourself and doing the painful but necessary work on yourself is what’s needed to turn your black thumb into a green thumb.
 
When you’re unafraid of losing someone because your abandonment issues no longer rent space in your head, you don’t use love as a bandage, you don’t smother the relationship or your partner, you accept that relationships come and go because they are independent of your self-worth.
 
Just my rambling this morning. I could use some coffee. Too bad it’s gonna be decaf.