Control Me

Oh I do hope you overcome this! The lack of trust does indeed lead to anxiety-based control-freakism, where one feels a need to control their environment in order to feel safe. Trust is one antidote; staying in one's lane is another!

Here's to your honesty and willingness to change. Too many aren't and have no desire!

You are so right, many don't want to change. There's trauma underneath my eating disorder, so that needs working on since it keeps the coping intact. I'm determined to overcome this.  
 
Thanks heaps for your visit and comment, Ahavati, I appreciate you 💕

It's weird that I should read this. I'm the opposite. I eat too much at times I shouldn't. It seemed like a good idea to eat a piece of lemon cake with tea last night. Towards 11:00 I started feeling bad - runny nose, pain in my right eye, and upset stomach. I wound up running to the bathroom to vomit. I was up the whole night feeling horrible.

I guess I'm trying to fill a gap that's missing in my life maybe, I don't know. But it's been getting out of control. I'm not even over weight.

I hope you find peace with your disorder. I'm sure it's a horrible thing to have.

There's many people who try to fill a void, whether it's with drugs, alcohol, gambling, food etc. With me it's food (sugars) that became my drug and I'm sorry to hear you turn to food too.    
   
It's indeed a horrible disorder to have, working on it. Thanks heaps for your comment, D :-)

Control, we won't admit it, we all want it.
Life is so much easier when you can let go.
Love your poem.

Letting go is my biggest challenge. Thanks heaps for your comment, I appreciate it :-)

it is very bad when you are not in control.. whatever is the case... hope you get through this ok...

Yes, it is, even control is out of control. Thanks heaps for your comment & wishing me well :-)

Great negotiation.

Waiting to see the results.

Self-reflection. Thanks heaps for your comment.

Brave of you to write about it Duende, I hope you battle your demons ❤️

I've written about it before. Thanks heaps for your visit & comment, Pete :-)

Goddess...if it were that easy...hugging you tightly, sis 💖

If only right? Thanks heaps for your comment & the hugs, sis 💖

When the fight is so long & exhausting, finding strength is a challenge. A brave & relatable piece, this

It truly is a fucking hard fight. Thanks heaps for your comment, Confluence.

What we are supposed to be and what we really are and want to do. We succumb to feelings that peel flesh from bone. Great poem.

Those are some very wise words. Thanks heaps for dropping by & leaving your thoughts.

Powerful write, Duende. Sending prayers and positive energy your way, in hopes you slay that demon. Into the list it belongs. Thanks so much for sharing something, that couldn't have been easy. Appreciate you.

DL  

Sharing something so personal isn't easy, but I've wrote about if before - all the way back to 2016. To me it's important that others who struggle with similar issues know they're not alone.

Thanks heaps for your comment, prayers and the RL, it means a lot. I appreciate you :-)

You've got this! Sending you positive vibes and support.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved (maybe not halved but hopefully is reduced...bit by bit).
Try and be strong.

Thanks heaps for your comment, the smiles & the positive vibes. I appreciate it.

This is so revealing, and I feel the pleading for help coming from within. Intense spill on the page.

That you can feel my words is a huge compliment. Thanks heaps for dropping by :-)

It's always a comfort to have a support system. It's vital in my opinion.
One step at a time.
I'm rooting for you:)

One step at a time it is.Thanks heaps for your comment and for rooting for me :-)

It's the abandon and vulnerability...the raw nakedness of Spirit
that drives and magnetizes pure compassion
for your condition

much respect

Naaj

Such deeply moving words. Thanks heaps for your comment, Naajir :-)