a you shaped absence

I get the feeling
you're gone from my life now
like you woke up the morning after
and decided the way this all feels
is too much
and closing the door on me
was easier
than riding out the pain
of being you

Because it never gets easier
in the lifetime we've sipped
at each other's souls
it never gets easier

And I don't blame you
for making that silent decision
without me
for all my love
it's never been my decision
to make

Instead I stare at my phone
and the picture of your face
that found a moment to wear a smile
I don't text
I don't call
I don't so much as
flutter my fingers
in your direction

Because that night felt like an ending
that night felt like a beginning
and I don't know which side
of that divide I'll be on
if or when
you decide to come back around

I don't have the courage to ask
 
I get the feeling you're gone
from my life now