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Will Time Forgive Us Of This Madness
What shall time leave when the world hath lost its madness
Will the world shrivel as it spirals away from madness
Or will the fine bosom of eternity than rise upon its shore
Does the fire of hell resurrect you in its ashes
When time consumes all space
Will life continue in its absence
What world will they bring
Those who live amongst the ashes
Will life forsake the world
When the world forsakes time
Or will all time be forgotten
At the end of time
When acid rains down upon the earth
Do you think in time it will be forgotten
Or will it drill away
At the life on this earth
Until its all forgotten
Will some little creature some little spark
Arise from the mad men’s ashes
Or will time forget this world
And it’s tiny
Crisis
Will the world shrivel as it spirals away from madness
Or will the fine bosom of eternity than rise upon its shore
Does the fire of hell resurrect you in its ashes
When time consumes all space
Will life continue in its absence
What world will they bring
Those who live amongst the ashes
Will life forsake the world
When the world forsakes time
Or will all time be forgotten
At the end of time
When acid rains down upon the earth
Do you think in time it will be forgotten
Or will it drill away
At the life on this earth
Until its all forgotten
Will some little creature some little spark
Arise from the mad men’s ashes
Or will time forget this world
And it’s tiny
Crisis
Published 16th May 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
16th May 2012 10:43am
As a concept, the bones of this piece are very good. I like the old fashioned feel that the words give this piece. The constant questions. It is one of those poems that makes the reader think.
There's a lot of words that are repeated with each other. I do not know if this was intentional or not, but maybe that's something that could be tweaked.
All in all, i enjoyed this piece and the post apocalyptic imagery that arrived in my head after reading it.
Welcome to DU by the way :)
There's a lot of words that are repeated with each other. I do not know if this was intentional or not, but maybe that's something that could be tweaked.
All in all, i enjoyed this piece and the post apocalyptic imagery that arrived in my head after reading it.
Welcome to DU by the way :)
19th May 2012 1:05am
I would just to say that the repitition of the time theme gives focus to the legacy of mankind's madness. Other than that I completely agree with you Miss Sub. Put me down for a 'welcome' response to!
19th May 2012 8:09pm
the repitition has been tweaked the best i could with out losing the piece. Repetitive words is actually something that bothers me in a poem ironicaly both of the poems i have posted so far suffer from this same flaw.
22nd May 2012 5:03pm
If I may suggest, to get rid of the repetition you are having a problem with:
What shall time leave when the world hath lost its madness
Will the world shrivel as it spirals away,
Or will the fine bosom of eternity then rise upon its shore
(I also changed than to then)
Since the madness was stated, I don't think it loses anything in the loss of the second madness.
What shall time leave when the world hath lost its madness
Will the world shrivel as it spirals away,
Or will the fine bosom of eternity then rise upon its shore
(I also changed than to then)
Since the madness was stated, I don't think it loses anything in the loss of the second madness.
