(40) Inside 01.22.2024 @ 10:47pm

Reminiscing my first time getting caught.
Los Angeles County, I was distraught.
“How did I get myself in this?”
I really got myself into some shit.

I’m strapped to a chair like a damn animal.
Police sirens began creeping behind me.
I’m coked out, I subconsciously started fleeing.
The judge considered my behavior nonrational.

I was stuck behind bars feeling foolishly.
Karma acts accordingly.
This wasn’t how I planned my day to be.
Caught up in inglewood with my first felony.

I feel suicidal as time slowly passes.
My hatred for the consequences arises.
I take responsibility for consuming alcohol.
I don’t blame anyone for not answering my jail call.

I feel alone in this place, dwelling late at night.
Sleepless nights, contemplating how to make it right.
Deep inside, all I wanted was to die.
I rather commit homicide suicide.

How much more can I possibly take?
I can’t even catch a damn break.
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Those dark memories play on rewind.




I threw my freedom away.
If I caused my own pain,
Can I be the one that heals it?
I’m lost in my mind, insomniac shit.

The day came.
The night owl was released once again.
Nothing changed, what’s next?
Raging in a cell a few days too many.

What was there to learn?
My world turned to shit, it’s over.
I’m mourning over a Range Rover.
I felt lost after being released from court.

Three years probation.
As if I don't have enough depression.
My innocence deserted at the institution.
In exchange, I was ordered to pay victim restitution.

Sadly, I’m feeling broken.
Watching my sad life disintegrate.
Deep cuts from constant suicide attempts.
Flying high until I reach toxicity elevation.

I made a promise to myself to stay out.
A promise to myself to stop drinking.
Get myself together and start thinking.
Eyes wide open, no blinking.




Yet, all I ever think about is killing myself.
‘Cause I’m tired of living in hell.
Tears breakout as I dwell.
I would rather much say farewell!

I’m so fucked up off this adderall.
Reminiscing when I used to drink alcohol.
Thinking back, how much I fucked up.
My soul’s been corrupt.

I've infected my soul with these toxins.
I’m loaded from drinking IPA tall cans.
Rolling off the xanax back to back.
Snorting cocaine until it goes away.

But it never really goes away.
It just bottles itself up day after day.
Replaying memories until I lose my mind.
The truth’s in front of me but I act like I’m blind.

It’s like I refuse to help myself;
Knowing damn well I’m in hell.
When will the madness stop?
When will I start getting off the dope?

I don’t understand why I ask;
When I’m the one with the answers.
It’s up to me to change what’s inside.
Somehow I’ll find a way to stop getting high.