The Pigeon Diet, Or Deity?

I heard a knocking upon my door. I was terrified, as it was my bedroom door inside my flat, not my front door. I called out nervously, "Who's there!" I thought i heard what sounded like a whispered  "Choo". Odd name, i thought, and what on earth were they doing in my flat?
I picked up a heavy glass ball, and approached the door,  with it clasped in my hand, as i opened the door quickly, glass ball in raised hand at the ready. Right in front of me, stood a giant pigeon, approximately 5 foot high!
As you can imagine, i was completely taken aback, at seeing a giant pigeon in my hallway. It started to move it's head, nodding like a nodding dog, oft seen in the back windows of old cars! Anyway i slammed the door shut, and dialled 999, and asked for emergency services
"Emergency services, how can we help?" I tried to explain that i had a giant 5 foot pigeon in my flat, and that i was trapped in my bedroom! She called me a hoaxer, reprimanded me, and hung up!
It was at this moment i wish i had smart technology, i could of taken some video of the giant pigeon, and sent it to the police, as proof, or whoever would be dealing with a five foot high giant pigeon?
I tried a few other rescue services, but they all hung up, leaving a variety of uncomplimentary comments.
The pigeon knocked/pecked again upon the door. I shouted "Go away!" by now, i was doubting my sanity, as i was wondering, how on earth did the pigeon get into my flat?
Panicking a little, as i was also quite desperate to go to the loo, and if this pigeon isn't a figment of my imagination, then it may attack me, with its clawed pigeon toes, and large beak. I had an idea. i had a small piece of leftover toast, which i crumbled up, quickly opened my door, and threw the crumbs to the end of the hall, quickly closing the door again, counted to twenty, opened the door, and saw the pigeon happily pecking away, so i dashed to the bathroom. Hurray!
I answered my call of nature, and drank some tap water, then listened by the door, but couldn't hear any movement, so i cautiously peeked through the bathroom door, and was immediately puzzled why i couldn't see the pigeon in the hall. I carefully walked into the hall, and realised ithat in my haste to get to the bathroom, i'd left my bedroom door open, and looking round the door, saw the pigeon there, so i shut the door, thus securing the pigeon in my bedroom!.
I put the kettle on, and did a piece of toast, as i tried to weigh up my options. I completely understood why the various emergency services didn't believe, as i don't think i would of believed this either, and that maybe i'd completely lost my faculties!
I walked into the hall, and crossed to the spare room, whilst one reality came true, as i stepped into pigeon poo! Grateful that i was at least wearing footwear.
I decided to call pest control, as i guessed it would be pretty pointless to try the emergency services again, as they probably had me down as a time waster.
Anyway someone at the pest control services answered almost immediately.
"Hello, how can we help you?"
I said, "I have a serious pigeon problem, there's poo in my flat,and i don't know who can help, it's very urgent!"
I gave her my address details, and she said that someone was on their way. Sure enough, he was here within ten minutes. I ran down stairs to let him in. His name was Pete (The Pest) i know this, as  it was inscribed on the side of his van!. He said he's noticed pigeons on my balcony! I said," i hope that isn't a euphonism!"
He gave me a sideways glance, as i then led the way upstairs, into my flat, and pointed to the bedroon door, and said "In there, it's the biggest pigeon ive ever seen!"
Again he gave me a sideways look, the sort of look that said "You called me out because got a pigeon in your flat, really?"
He walked through the door, i heard him say something that sounded like "pluck me!" He came straight out, slamming the door behind him, and said "I see your problem!"
I explained that i'd already tried the emergency services, but understandably didn't believe me, and that's why when i called your company, i was a bit sparing with the truth, as i imagined i would of gained the same doubting response! He nodded in agreeance.
And if that wasn't enough, what happened next, was even more bizarre. The pigeon pecked at the door. i looked at Pete (the pest), he said "best to keep it contained, until i can figure out how to deal with this" What happened next, took us both by surprise, When the pigeon spoke "How long are you two going to keep me locked up in this room? coo coo!"
I turned to Pete (the pest), and said, "The irony, ive heard of people talking pigeon, but never a pigeon talking people!"
There then followed a cacophony of coos, it was like the pigeon was laughing, or possibly having sex! thankfully it was difficult to know which, maybe both.....
I got to thinking, why would a pigeon laugh at anything, especially during sex? But then i started to reminisce, and quickly remembered an hilarious sexual moment, when a bed collapsed, we fell to the floor without injury, and she farted! We both burst into hysterical laughter! I stopped this memory, suddenly realising i was laughing out loud, and Pete (the pest) gave me one of his funny looks again!
Pete said he knew people at a nearby zoo, would i like him to try. i told him i'd consider almostb anything,"How about a pigeon whisperer?" Another sideways look, and he was on the phone.
I told the pigeon "we're trying to find a way, to free you from this flat/room" said I. the pigeon said "Like a human cage?"  "Yes, in a way, but we generally have the choice to leave our cage at will.
Pete (the pest), called the zoo, but was economical with the details, avoiding mentioning the size, and claiming it appeared like a species he'd never seen before, and it may be an endangered species?
Two specialists arrived from the zoo, one a slightly old man, who eyed me as a time waster, The other a friendly woman in her 30's. They questioned me as we walked upstairs to my flat, i simply said it was big, and hadn't seen anything like it. I introduced them to Pete (The Pest), and he brisfly explained what was in the other room, without mentioning the words "giant Pigeon"
They both approached my bedroom door with caution, something i hoped that hadn't crossed the minds of previous visitors! they stepped in cautiously like forbidden lovers, then came straight out. "What the hell was that? is it mechanical? a machine? it looks so real!"
I said "It is real, and not only that, it can talk!"
The woman spoke again, "What! like a parrot?"
At that point, the pigeon interceded
"I hope you're not thinking of putting me in a pie, you'd need an awful lot of pastry, and a massive dish, and oven!" The pigeon obviously found himself hilarious, and repeated his earlier cacophony of coos, which i now presumed was laughter, and not related to pigeon sex, and suddenly myself laughing too, as i remembered my earlier thoughts. I'd explained my earlier outburst to Pete (The Pest), but the old zoo man was about to slap me, as he thought i was being hysterical, which stopped my laughter, and resisted the urge to harm him!
Pete (The Pest) interceded "We need to deal with the pigeon, we must focus!" The pigeon spoke "Yes, i agree, coo, coo!"  The zoo man spoke "We may be able to help, but it may be very costly, and complicated!"
Pete (The Pest) suggested "we call in the media offering them an exclusive, at a price, and i'm sure the pigeon is capable of telling all, what his needs are!"
The press arrived very quickly, and the pigeon agreed to an interview, but that they should pay all fees to me, to help cover the cost of damage to the flat, which they readily agreed once they met the pigeon
The pigeon then told us all its name: King Sathodl, and that he had come from another realm, as he had found his existence in his realm a little boring, so took a sojourn to here, and was thoroughly enjoying the excitement he was generating in this realm!
Sathodl agreed that it would be okay, to be led out of the flat by a dog lead, to help guide him downstairs. as he was about to leave, i asked him how had he entered my flat? "Flat what?" joked the pigeon, followed by more pigeon laughter!
Then he said the following "I came through what you may know as a  portal, there's one in your flat, in fact, you may be best to seal it up!" and with that, Sathodl, broke free from the dog collar, whispered a word in pigeon English, and hopped through a portal that had suddenly appeared in my hallway, the portal seized up, closing immediately Sathodl had entered it, and the giant king pigeon had gone.The media all paid up as promised, and my book went viral, and i became a bit of a celebrity, and starting keeping pigeons, and a pigeon rescue centre, i called it The Coo Coop!

by Jemia