deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Can't Do It?
I stared at the positive pregnancy test in disbelief. Just four months after giving birth to my Ava, I can't be expecting again!
I looked back at my calendar to remember. It was Wednesday, July 31st. I'd drawn a heart shape around it in a moment of romantic whimsy. That heart marked the first of three nights of lovemaking in a whirlwind week. The man was long gone. How could I have been so careless? So easy?
Raising a second child on my own? I can't do it. Should I birth the child and put it up for adoption or have an abortion? These are the only choices I can consider.
I looked back at my calendar to remember. It was Wednesday, July 31st. I'd drawn a heart shape around it in a moment of romantic whimsy. That heart marked the first of three nights of lovemaking in a whirlwind week. The man was long gone. How could I have been so careless? So easy?
Raising a second child on my own? I can't do it. Should I birth the child and put it up for adoption or have an abortion? These are the only choices I can consider.
Published 19th Sep 2024
Author's Note
Recent journal entry. I'm depressed and angry with myself.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
19th Sep 2024 3:31pm
Wow. You can do anything you really want to do. Trust how you feel and go with that answer!
19th Sep 2024 6:22pm
19th Sep 2024 7:37pm
I believe we all have untapped strength. Whatever decision you make it will be the right decision for you. That’s all that matters.
Be well, Lauryn.
Be well, Lauryn.
20th Sep 2024 2:49am
21st Sep 2024 4:27am
I have been debating over the last few days if I should respond to this and how I might respond. I have followed your posts for a while so am familiar with your situation.
In the short term, you have a challengingly decisions to make as you wrote in your diary.
In the medium term, you do need to consider that your choices affect Ava for better or worse. Dealing with another pregnancy will affect you so will affect Ava. I think that as a start you need to have a frank discussion with your doctor or obgyn or planned parenthood about longer term birth control options. I don’t see your need for sex and the intensity of affairs decreasing in the near future - this has been a pattern in your posts for quite a while. Given this reality, if you don’t want to get pregnant by accident, you need to find birth control options that work for you.
In the longer term, I hope you can find some resources that help you make choices that make you happy. You often post about regrets and guilt related to relationships and then post again about the same pattern. I hope that you can find a new pattern.
🌹
In the short term, you have a challengingly decisions to make as you wrote in your diary.
In the medium term, you do need to consider that your choices affect Ava for better or worse. Dealing with another pregnancy will affect you so will affect Ava. I think that as a start you need to have a frank discussion with your doctor or obgyn or planned parenthood about longer term birth control options. I don’t see your need for sex and the intensity of affairs decreasing in the near future - this has been a pattern in your posts for quite a while. Given this reality, if you don’t want to get pregnant by accident, you need to find birth control options that work for you.
In the longer term, I hope you can find some resources that help you make choices that make you happy. You often post about regrets and guilt related to relationships and then post again about the same pattern. I hope that you can find a new pattern.
🌹
21st Sep 2024 3:38pm
Thank you for your good counsel. I have struggled and see no lessening of my desires and I'm sometimes careless about precautions. My considerations of Ava and myself dictate that I must seek an abortion but I will also visit with my doctor about longterm ways avoid this in the future.
21st Sep 2024 4:57am
You can do anything you put your mind to. I believe in you. Keep on writing.
