deepundergroundpoetry.com
(broken) City Streets
the wretched burnt-orange sun
beats down on my broken car
as she thumps mindlessly through potholes
with windows down
we gaze at clowns
and the derelicts
and the dirty tricks
as they crawl
across the pavement
the lively beauties walk
amongst jackasses and Gemini's
confused hooligans steal
from random pedestrians
to feed addictions
fulfilling a need
they mean you no harm, indeed
despite their transgressions
we're all devoured
by our own deceptions
Published 12th Sep 2024
Author's Note
One of those writings where I obsessed over a word or 2 (probably the wrong ones). Open to constructive feedback.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 100
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Sep 2024 6:11am
This shows an outlook of a seasoned veteran, perhaps a bit on the emotionally metaphorical side of observation. I like your expression of the concept of thievery in general, and some of the allusions towards cultural influence. It is indeed an established fact that we all sin, so who's the point the finger? I like how the end brings that out. It seems as though fate and destiny are limited by the hypocrisies of our own madness, heh. I like that you get obsessed with a word or two, and it leads to an entire writing. I can DEFINTELY relate to that. Again, good stuff. Just some of what I think. Thanks for sharing!
12th Sep 2024 6:41am
I appreciate the feedback and your attention to what's really going on in this piece. Thanks and keep on writin'....cheers.
