alone under the stage lights

Feel nothing
hug an almost stranger
smile
feel alive for the time
it takes to embrace

Let go
emotional slippage
sweat kissed skin
untouched in cold air

I'm alone

I'm always alone

He makes me beg
I won't beg

I fantasize
about drunkenly fucking
a random stranger
in a bathroom stall
but I don't drink anymore
and sex is just another distraction

It won't save me
but it might make me cry

I wish my lover
would make me cry
but kisses aren't for ice queens

So instead I breathe in
a few seconds hug
from an almost stranger
and pretend I can remember
what it's like
to feel loved