When my mind starts to talk

Within a dark fortress, guarded by the damned, he lies in waiting. He’s watching my every move, I    
hear his every word. I can’t hide from him, nor can I run. Because the dark fortress where he  
reside is within my own mind, A fortress surrounded by prisons made of memories and    
madness. Everywhere I turn I stumble and fall because of my own ignorance. I tried to ignore, I    
tried to make it right. But you denied me, You tried to bury me as far and as deep as you could.    
But to no avail. I bided my time, watched you wither away within your world of sorrow and grief.    
When encircled by deceivers and liars you choose to ignore me. I never lied to you, I never    
deceived you. I told you exactly what my intentions where. I’m here to protect you. I’m here to    
help you. I can take away the grief, I can take away the sorrow and sadness. You can’t whish me away, you need me.    
   
What is the point of trying anyway? Do you like your life as it is right now? Is everything as you    
imagined? A wife that does not love you nor respects you. Your children barely know you. Always working, working and more working. What are you running away from? Are you running from    
them? Are you running from yourself? You can’t outrun for what you are. You are a deceiver, a    
magician of masks. For every situation you can conjure another you. You can be the loving    
husband, you choose not to be. Why not? Why do you choose to be the subordinate of that little    
whore? Please, humour me. Explain, give me some insight. Because, for the life of us, I can’t find any reason to be the way you are now. Don’t forget, I am ever present. I know everything you    
know. Don’t even try to lie to me.  
   
But, then again, what is the worth of your confession, when placed upon a pedestal of lies? Your own little throne room filled with stories and sagas that didn’t even happen. Your memories are in shambles. What is real and what is not. Do you even know? I shielded you from the horrors of
this world. I gave you a space, a universe where you could roam forever without hurt, without    
sadness, without grief. Your refuge, your shelter from the storm. Under my wings you are truly    
safe. After all that I gave you, you still refuse me, deny me, deceive me. How could you? Even    
now you try to ignore me. You are begging me to leave you alone. A Confession? Little boy, confess all you want, you’ll never be absolved for all the sins we committed. We can only absolve ourselves. And that, my little boy, is something you can’t do. You are incapable of feeling remorse or guilt. You are incapable of feeling anything at all.  
   
When numbed by the monologues within my mind, I’m rendered completely emotionless. Staring into nothingness, waiting for the feelings to overflow my mind and body. Filling me with every emotion all at once. And so I’m wandering in the nothingness within my mind in search of exactly that. Searching for what I will never find. This hell is forever, everlasting, unending, eternal. A inescapable tundra within our own mind, accompanied by the voices and shadows    
mocking me every step of the way. Is this what I truly am, an emotionless husk in search of a purpose, in search for redemption?