LOVE IN MY ARMS  (IV)-(4th revision; 1976; Galveston, Texas; out at the end of Poretto Jetty, contemplating suicide.)

       
         
love in my arms        
here then gone        
comes and goes        
like a rare moon tide        
sunrise soon brightened        
into new day        
but it s clearness        
only added        
to my ever deepening        
self loathing s confusions        
evening eventually  arrived        
only a comfortable disguise        
down to the beach        
i slowly walked        
as night s darkness        
soon fell upon me        
out at the end of a jetty        
where i stared up at        
the seawall s street lights        
mercurially reflecting        
out into  upon          
night s rushing surf s        
beckoning dark  dancing waters        
hypnotically stretching out in long  slithering        
snake like  reflective  wet slurring blurs        
out across  upon        
and all along        
this nocturnal gulf beach s        
sleeping shoreline s  shadow cloaked sands        
as i stood there in silence        
so deeply lost in my feelings and thoughts        
like some detached  unseen        
invisible  ancient ghost        
for what seemed and felt like        
a couple of mind numbing hours        
staring timelessly out        
into the vast  formless mystery        
of this gulf night s        
relatively comforting calm        
wondering about my life        
should i laugh        
or should i cry        
continue to secretly        
just keep on        
silently suffering on        
or let it all go        
face the pain        
or perhaps even more simply        
just put a quick end to it all        
by surrendering completely        
to that much quieter        
everlasting deep peace        
so patiently        
so alluringly awaiting me        
ever increasingly calling to me        
with her intoxicating        
seductive  mystic siren s call        
to let go  fully surrender  and succumb      
to the turbulent  promise of lasting peace      
in this nocturnal gulf s      
swirling dark  mysterious waters below      
love in my hands        
but no love in my life        
my heart in the dark        
where all understanding        
now so futilely slips through my fingers        
like sand        
in night s wind        
which now only leaves me        
all alone here again        
for indeed        
yet again        
all alone        
here i am      
no matter whether      
i choose here now      
to either try to stay      
and hang on      
any longer      
or to finally      
at so long last      
release      
all my doubts      
all my long wearied fears      
to bravely step      
unseen and quietly      
off the edge      
out at the end      
of this late night      
dark  lonesome jetty      
into the bittersweet      
deep  wet  salty      
embrace      
and ultimate      
peaceful resolve      
of this my still yet      
beckoning to me      
sweet gulf of mexico s      
persistent call      
to also make her      
to me now      
as well      
my even sweeter      
receptive gulf s
optional
potential solution s
unseen  final
sweet resolve
of and by
simply      
letting      
go