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LOVE IN MY ARMS (IV)-(4th revision; 1976; Galveston, Texas; out at the end of Poretto Jetty, contemplating suicide.)
love in my arms
here then gone
comes and goes
like a rare moon tide
sunrise soon brightened
into new day
but it s clearness
only added
to my ever deepening
self loathing s confusions
evening eventually arrived
only a comfortable disguise
down to the beach
i slowly walked
as night s darkness
soon fell upon me
out at the end of a jetty
where i stared up at
the seawall s street lights
mercurially reflecting
out into upon
night s rushing surf s
beckoning dark dancing waters
hypnotically stretching out in long slithering
snake like reflective wet slurring blurs
out across upon
and all along
this nocturnal gulf beach s
sleeping shoreline s shadow cloaked sands
as i stood there in silence
so deeply lost in my feelings and thoughts
like some detached unseen
invisible ancient ghost
for what seemed and felt like
a couple of mind numbing hours
staring timelessly out
into the vast formless mystery
of this gulf night s
relatively comforting calm
wondering about my life
should i laugh
or should i cry
continue to secretly
just keep on
silently suffering on
or let it all go
face the pain
or perhaps even more simply
just put a quick end to it all
by surrendering completely
to that much quieter
everlasting deep peace
so patiently
so alluringly awaiting me
ever increasingly calling to me
with her intoxicating
seductive mystic siren s call
to let go fully surrender and succumb
to the turbulent promise of lasting peace
in this nocturnal gulf s
swirling dark mysterious waters below
love in my hands
but no love in my life
my heart in the dark
where all understanding
now so futilely slips through my fingers
like sand
in night s wind
which now only leaves me
all alone here again
for indeed
yet again
all alone
here i am
no matter whether
i choose here now
to either try to stay
and hang on
any longer
or to finally
at so long last
release
all my doubts
all my long wearied fears
to bravely step
unseen and quietly
off the edge
out at the end
of this late night
dark lonesome jetty
into the bittersweet
deep wet salty
embrace
and ultimate
peaceful resolve
of this my still yet
beckoning to me
sweet gulf of mexico s
persistent call
to also make her
to me now
as well
my even sweeter
receptive gulf s
optional
potential solution s
unseen final
sweet resolve
of and by
simply
letting
go
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