I Don’t Want Him Back

I don’t want him back.
This is the hardest thing to accept.
I don’t want him to show up now
With apologies and excuses.
I don’t want to start from here with him.
I don’t want him with all the terrible things he’s done.

I want to go back.
I want him to have never done it.
I want him to have loved me right.
I want him to have told me
That he’d never leave me,
To have chosen me.
I want to have been with him for three years now.
I want to have loved without the pain.

Because when I think of him now
All I think of is pain.
All I think of is lies.
All I think of is confusion.

I’ll never love him the way I did
Back when we first met
And that kills me.