Alone With The Ghosts Of My Mother

The times
After finding my mother dead
Between her bedroom, and the hallway
Were stark
And the nightmares
Then the funeral
Then the after funeral get together
At my mothers flat
I have only vague memories
Of conversations
Drifting over the ether of death
Then i watched
As people slowly dispersed
Becoming ghost like
As they left
Until there was only me
In an empty flat
Full of my recent nightmarish memories
And the stain on the floorboards
Where i'd found her lying
And her ashes on the mantelpiece
Within the living room
That i no longer ventured into
Other than to water her plants
I suddenly felt completely alone
And wished i could of stayed somewhere else that night
Even a hotel
But had no options
So instead
I bunkered up in my room
And watched films
And drank Absynth
Awakening next morning
Hungover,but back down to Earth
I walked to the kitchen
Which was to the right of the hallway
Her room facing to the left
And i remember conciously thinking
Not to look
At the stain on the floorboards
But the daylight was streaming through the windows
And the cold
Kind of brought me round
Remembering feeling grateful
For the reality of it
And of the starkness of a cold January morning
She died on Boxing Day 2015
And i still remember this with clarity
The nightmares left after eighteen months
They had been surreal, and fantastical
And terrifying
She was undead
Flying downstairs
Her face distorted into madness
Screaming towards me
And thankfully waking up
Terrified, but relieved
That it was just another horrible dream
The ghosts have now
Mostly dispersed

by Jemia