On His Anniversary

Every time my wife enters the pool, she can't keep her head above the water
It would look as though she was drowning
I would jump in and save her from the deep end
I'd say, stay in the shallow section, over here
She wouldn't say much and just shake her head
Luckily, I have a lock on the gate, which surrounds the entire in ground pool
I'm the only one that knows the code
I don't allow her near the pool, unless I'm nearby
I needed to install this a few years back, since a tragedy occurred
Our son, who was 4 years old went by the edge of the pool and fell in face first
I was at work and my wife, was inside on her i-phone texting away about the huge July 4th party we were going to have at the house
After a few minutes, she realized something was wrong when she was calling his name
When she discovered him face down in the pool, she panicked, called 911 and they arrived 25 minutes later
My wife tried and the paramedics tried to resuscitate him
Nothing worked
My son was dead
This happened almost two years ago
Every time we get close to the anniversary of his death, my wife becomes catatonic
She never laughs or gets angry
She doesn't speak to much and she alienated herself from the rest of the world
I told her we can try & seek help
That's when she would become angry & violent with me
She's been weighed down with guilt since the accident
I notice now what she's trying to do each year we get closer to his anniversary
She's trying to commit suicide
I need to watch her like a hawk
In the house she won't try anything
I believe she feels his soul is at the bottom of the pool
A few times I've seen her looking down in the deep section talking to the water
Saying our son's name and mumbling words that she'll be with him soon
On the day of our sons anniversary
I decided to take off from work and create a day that revolved away from the backyard & pool
We'd go for breakfast a drive out east and maybe go to some farm stands
She sounded like she was into it
We showered, got dressed and headed out around 10:00 am
I was really happy
While driving, she was talking, laughing a bit & even apologized for acting the way she did
She busted out crying telling me how much she misses him
I told her, so do I
She even said that she would love to go and speak to someone about the feelings she's been having
I was more then happy she said that
A few moments later, we arrived to our favorite breakfast place
It's out near the farms. Great, homemade food for a reasonable price
The one issue is that the parking lot is across the street when it gets terribly crowded
That's where we needed to park
It's also a dangerous road, with no pedestrian bridge or anything like that
Mack trucks come down that highway at full speed
We both cross the street & head into the restaurant
We waited a bit for a table and then were seated
The table was away from the front windows overlooking the parking lot
My wife said to me, that she forgot her glasses to read the menu
There in the car
I said ok
She looked at me with a smile that I've never seen in a long time
She left the building
From what happened next, will stay with me forever
Eyewitnesses said that when she was at the edge of the property & road, she could have crossed when there were no cars coming
She however measured up the next large truck that was barreling down until they didn't have enough time to stop and
WHAM!!!!!!!
She jumped out in front of the truck and was clobbered like some rag doll thrown into the street
The people that had window seats saw this happen and shrieked in terror
People were screaming and fainting
The truck slammed on the breaks but it didn't matter
I heard the commotion, ran to the door and saw the horror
I knew it was her because of some of the clothing she was wearing was underneath the wheel
Her body stretched out all over the highway
It was the most heinous, grizzliest scene I or anyone could have imagined
Those next moments were a blur
The next thing I remember is that I had a bandage on my head & I was in a hospital
I was told by a nurse that I passed out and knocked myself out
I thought maybe this was a dream and my wife would come through the doorway
That never happened
A short time later a doctor with the state police came to my bedside
They told me the tragic news
I began to scream & cry
They also told me in one of her pockets, there was a note
They had the note but wanted to keep it for evidence, for now
I was allowed to read the letter
In the letter it said that she appreciated me and knew that I was trying to keep our marriage alive but the guilt and tragedy of our son not being here with us made me have no will to live
She also added that it was fitting for me to take my own life on the day of his death
She mentioned how much she loved me and the life he gave her & her son for the 5 years we were married
The last thing she said is that she wanted to be buried near our son
Several months later, I decided to put the house up for sale
I need to get my mind off of things that remind me of them
I'm leaving the city & state
It's too depressing and heavy for my heart & soul
Thanks for listening.