Urophagia

Once upon a knuckle swerving
while my other fist squeezed my junk
I had to take a major piss
and the traffic around me stunk
Desperation looks like anger
when your dick is tied in a knot
It's hard to move another foot
when you need to visit the pot

With feet clinched hard in my sneakers
almost triggers ol' Charley Horse
Bladder pains fanfared by car horns
raised my cortisol levels of course
Was looking for the next exit
and I am sure we all agree
I'd rather stub my fucking toe
than sit there just having to pee

All of the sudden it was do or die
and I refuse to wet my pants
My eyes looked like a psycho path's
when my fingers and fly did their dance
Awkward ease and difficulty
with my LEFT foot on the throttle
I had no other choice my friends
but add to a Snapple bottle

Now lets keep that story in mind
when I hit you with chapter 2
Picture the middle of the night
so of course I'd be driving through
With my wedding ring on the wheel
my right hand free to spider back
Orange needles winding counter clockwise
while the entire cab was bathed black

I'm getting rid of mile markers
while listening to 'Coast to Coast'
Solitude is a curse you know
when I could use someone else the most
Trying like hell to evolve sight
with night vision off my knuckle
I can barely reach my beverage
through my seat belt with its buckle

Finally I can feel the thing
as the illusive bastard fights
I manage to rustle the cap
behind the beams of my headlights
In victory I take a swig
that never does quite reach my throat
The salt and flat ammonia taste
sure as shit doesn't receive my vote

I was expecting something else
and am afraid to spit it out
Pissing all over my cockpit
is not what I'm talking about
I ended up rolling the window down
and chucking it into the wind
I coated the side of my semi
punished for times I have sinned

Let this be a cautionary one
for that chamber pot fanatic
When I didn't throw the damn thing out
it ended up more traumatic
I don't know how Bear Grills does it
drinking from a rattle snake pelt
It's worse when you're expecting tea
but it's your own urine that's been dealt