Boomerang ! Or Self-Destroyer ?

You do not have any friends, that's why you block those who won't talk with you.  
spare yourself the trouble, you can't give what you don't have, so no need  
to wear thick when its already hot, and say the sky is blue when you do not need to.  
 
You wear red outside your house, and i know that inside you are as gray as the  
walls that surround you, you can even dissolve into the walls and become a dumb,  
mute stone..as well, you affect your look; your walk, you stalk the naive, introvert  
ones, and you stutter like a turkey before the gentlemen, but, your gestures are  
much more affected that you show your real emptiness. your hollow calibre that  
brings shame on you....  
 
You take your seat, your head spins, you travel in a  vortex of false visions, dictated  
by late night's party, sparked red with so much stuff you took in a moment of bursting joy,  
irresponsible rush, blinded by self vengeance....  
 
And for the sake of friends who invited you over to cheerlead the party, or to spice a carnal  
celebration, you let yourself be taken, raped, tortured, abused,.....................  
 
In the early morning you wake up naked, lost on a desert beach like a snap from a horror movie  
but here horrors stalk you, harm you in real life..............  
So, all the scenario has been premeditated, not predestined, carefully wrought  by you, to end  
ashore, armless, helpless, victim of self abuse,............  
 
And then you seek a cathartic reliever,a  poetic healer, thru erotic worded bad expression,  
lower language diction, hideous, and hedonistic outlet.................and you complain ???????