sex on my brain (5:36am)

5:36am
Wake up
can't get back to sleep  
find myself watching  
femboy furry porn  
and wondering what I'm  
doing with my life
 
Not that I'm not down  
for doing in cat ears
I just don't think my boyfriend  
would wear them  
 
7:03am  
I boil the kettle
forget I've boiled it  
do it again  
three more times  
 
I can't find my coffee mug  
it'll be where I left it  
I don't remember where I left it
 
7:21am  
My coffee isn't hot anymore  
I let my kiddo eat popcorn  
for breakfast  
cause he already raided the pantry  
and I'm not in the mood for a fight  
 
I still have porn visions  
swimming through my head
 
8:11am
Where the fuck are my keys  
I can't find me keys  
we're gonna be late  
 
I can't find my keys  
 
8:21am  
I find my keys  
I leave the house without  
remembering to take my meds  
 
I can't have a coherent conversation  
with our Uber driver  
because I'm still thinking about sex
and he's not a part of my fantasy  
 
8:42am
We're not late  
and I feel stupid for stressing  
but breathe a sigh of brief relief  
this part of the day is done
 
9:26am  
I rock up at yoga  
I'm still thinking about sex  
 
I'm not sure a meditation  
and yoga are gonna help with that  
 
10:07  
My muscles stretch  
and I strain against the limitations  
my body has set  
 
I was right though
yoga isn't helping me stop  
think about sex  
 
I can't look at my instructor  
without imagining her naked  
and what it would feel like  
to run my fingers up  
the inside of her inner thigh  
 
The inside of my head sounds like  
shut up, just SHUT UP  
don't think about her  
don't look at her  
look out the window  
look at the trees  
they're so pretty and green  
 
Don't think about the way  
she smiled at you this morning  
or how you got lost in her eyes  
for a second when you  
told her how much you appreciate  
these classes
 
Don't think about her  
or her inner thighs
fuck, just SHUT UP  
 
...
 
Oh wow, the texture
of this yoga mat is interesting
As I look finally get into a pose  
that forces me to look down  
 
11:02am  
Yoga helped  
it always helps my body  
and sometimes my brain  
 
My instructor smiles at me  
as I leave  
and I think I wouldn't mind  
getting stuck  
in a bathroom cubicle with her  
 
11:05am
I've still got  
cat eared furry porn  
stuck in my head