No

Crazy how 2 letters can cause me so much hesitation
The anxiety that is wrapped up inside those letters
The amount of self doubt that comes with saying them together  
 
2 letters that drag me under like anvils strapped to my waist
Hatred and dread surround those letters  
 
They rob me of my purpose
Erase my worth
Make me useless
Make all of this pointless  
 
I sit with the letters on the tip of my tongue
Hoping for something else to say
But there is nothing else to say  
 
I have no choice
No other option
It kills me  
 
I provide reasons and excuses to try to soften the blow
To her and more importantly to myself  
 
It only makes things worse  
As they get twisted
Turned around on me  
 
And I cower  
 
I remember too well how easy it is for her to cut me down
How well she knows me
Knows exactly what my weaknesses are  
 
I can't endure it
Not now
Im not strong enough
I'm already on the edge
A push right now could be fatal  
 
Im afraid

After all this time Im still afraid of her
That fear is what got me into this mess  
 
It leads to yes  
 
That fucking word
The root of my downfall  
 
Because yes is better than this
Anything is better than this  
 
But yes only delays the inevitable
Yes leads to self neglect  
 
Now the only option is 2 letters  
 
Fuck letters