Sodomized

 
I see myself: naked, twisted in sheets
I embody embarrassment and shame
 
A new feeling arises
One I’ve always had a hard time conjuring
 
Anger
At him, he who did this
 
I always thought it was just my fault
After all, I said yes
 
Or muttered something resembling yes
An affirmative drunk mumble
 
Wasted at 16
Not an unusual occurrence
 
He was 22 and my supplier
We regularly fucked
 
But this time was different
I didn’t want this
 
I refocus on my anger for him
It’s almost dissipated entirely
 
I’ll have to find it again
In a poem
 
So here I am now
Writing it all out
 
Wondering if anger at him
Will really solve anything
 
‘Cause, well, fuck forgiveness
I just don’t want to be burned by this anymore
 
I will no longer lie here, a broken shell
A victim of your assault
 
I choose to let go of my resentment
Without the need to forgive you