Love and hate

Contemplating,  so frustrating...
So much on my mind.
The wars I've fought, the love I've sought..
The peace I've yet to find.
At any cost. I've loved and lost abd it cuts me to the bone.
I miss my son,  and everyone,  and I feel so all alone.
I analyze , and compromise..  til I often play the fool.
I take the blame, I hate this game.
I think life's much to cruel.  
I try so hard to stay on guard,
Yet time and time again...
I stand my ground yet get knocked down and thats the way its always been. .
I crash and burn but still don't learn...
I guess this is my fate.
In Jesus name.... this ain't a game.
Its a war of love and hate.