a rare moment

I break myself open
on the bathroom floor
avoiding the myriad of reflections
that say one thing
but mean another

And it was too easy
to get lost in the green
of her eyes
and the way she teased
my soul out of me
without even trying
still hurts the day after

And I don't have the words
to explain how I feel
so whole and so empty
at the same time
like maybe I am still unworthy
of being seen
of being heard
of simply just taking up space
in a world that would rather
I keep my mouth open
for things less dangerous
than screaming

Because sometimes I forget
that I was voiceless
and I've spent a life time
begging for anyone
to see me as more
than a broken object
that was only good for fucking
and beating
and breaking down to dust

I break myself open
on the bathroom floor
lost in her green eyes
and she sees me
and for the first time
in far too long
I can be both broken and whole