a collection of thoughts

1. Accountability  
 
There is something beautiful  
in brutal self honesty  
that isn't the self destructive  
nihilism of my youth  
 
I am only as sick  
as the things that I hide
from myself  
 
I'm tired of hiding  
 
2. Self-esteem  
 
I don't claim to love myself
at least not the way  
holistic gurus tell me to
 
But I have enough self respect  
to know when to say yes  
and when to say no  
though some days the lines  
get blurry  
and I say fuck too much  
just to let you know I'm serious  
 
3. Shame  
 
Don't dare look down at me  
like you can do my life better  
I won't be shamed  
for not following your rules  
I earned this badge of sobriety  
I live it every fucking day  
 
And while I concede  
that AA saved my life  
I won't live my life  
like a meetings junkie
just to survive  
 
The whole point of AA
is to learn how to live  
life on lifes terms  
and while I'm not killing it  
at this life shit right now
overall I'm doing just fine  
and no one gets to choose  
the way I keep myself sober  
and keep myself safe  
 
4. Fire  
 
I burn today  
with pain  
with strength  
with self-righteous indignation  
and through the pain of surviving  
this day clean and sober  
I find that I still burn with the fire  
to fight for myself