One Unbearable Instant

Falling silent in the middle of a sentence
because it reminds of something
once said
the time laughing
together
that silly fiasco that happened
then...that yesterday
in the past


the phone rings late at night
breathing feels like
drowning in underwater slow motion
because it is
not the one

songs are mine fields
that have to be tiptoed around
cautiously
having the power to freeze the heart
 then
it so easily breaks
at the first warmth it encounters
better to avoid them
all together

echoes
occuring with
happenstance regularity
never predictable
or even
remotely
on any type of
avoidable schedule


somedays
i fight
throw my fists wildly in the air
knocking down memories
a rag doll trying to
be a marble statue
deflecting arrows
from the past


to be turned to stone
solid steel
maybe would keep this
from taking hold and
swallowing me in
one
unbearable
instant


the rag doll bones wouldnt break
the soft cloth body
wouldnt  rip apart
at the seems
when it takes my heart
carries it to the dark regions
of what once was
but is no more


how i would give anything
to stop this
over and over it comes
relentless and unbidden


it happens most in the early hours
the birds can surely bring it
the sun breaking the day is dangerous
it will come
this
that happens
mostly with the fading of night


joy is beautiful
when it is held in your hands
a light spreading peace to
the soul


i remember and get lost again
in time before
silence was all i knew


i cant stop
this
one unbearable instant

i just cant stop
my heart from
missing you