confessing need...

30 of 30


maybe it's considered distasteful
admitting this...
but what the hell
I'm just gonna own it

it won't be the first time...
my undiluted truth spilled out
leaving a stain upon the ground
for uneasy eyes to scuttle around
it's just how it is...
I've accepted that

I have a need...
to be heard...understood...
...dare I say it...
...seen

to have confirmation
that I matter in some manner
even in the slightest capacity
...in an external context
outside my own head

thing is...
...I can never seem to remember
...from one day to the next
confidence slips

& I'm huddled in a corner of my mind
reliving the ugly
just as I have a thousand times
never sure of my welcome
hunting an elusive sense of belonging

I know...on a slippery kinda level...
...I'm no less than anyone else
yet I feel so incurably invisible
my voice coming out
...puzzlingly mute

so I grab my pen in desperation
start scribbling with frantic concentration
trying to make sense of it
to touch someone I've never met
hoping they might return the favor
...& see me

therapy tells me...
it's a trauma response
problem is...
how it feels doesn't change
...with that knowledge