Bear, Me and the family

 
in my lonely pain I see that ugly face you showed me long ago
the jaded one with no sympathy for anyone but himself
because I not knowing which way was north
spurned your affections still believing the system
I said we could not be because of your past
so you cast off our friendship
and we went our separate ways
that;s when I saw your hate face
arms crossed stone cold
I had to wonder where my friend had gone
it would come to be known as your in my way face

loyalty to you is destroying everyone from within
treating their feelings and life as a game
I've seen your whole family play it
giggling like they were five
emotionally stunted Renee cried and confessed something to me
about your family tree... sins of the father you know
it's a generational curse
my dad was molested by his own mom before she abandoned him
you needn't feel bad we're both cursed
I was molested by mom's random bar flies
after she would bring them home then disappear on me
then the teenagers would play lock kid in the closet
or torture her by sitting on her
while she screams for her mother  not to leave
most you teenagers died in your teens
the world and guilt ate you up

that's what you did to my love when you pulled a hole in my soul letting my feelings bleed out why you spit abuse at me
I don't know I've ignored that face because we have nowhere safe to go
I have no where to rest my abused mind and head
what bear and I have done to you for loving you these I don'y know

my eyes and it's hard for me to see today
funny how my eyesight and mind's memory go simuantaenously
tI stay because I love you
and I've been abused by every human I've known cruelly
especially by the women who you and my dad proved
can not be trusted I still have the knives in my back to prove it
the days fading and my mind can't remember
so I will pick my feelings up and put them away
carefully covering my scarred soul
so you can play the you're losing your mind again
because it's our anniversary and spring time again
I believed you when you said I was crazy

now bears eyes fade and he's sick
or am I imaging it? the dog too in you way or what
this where he's lived he's loved you
don't take out your anger on us
and really I have no where for him to live
he believed you loved me and him
and you did until she came
and let the shadow of death come in
for the love of us I showed the beautiful side of you unconditional love
and for that you made yourself comfortable on my broken heart and soul
and I clung to you and you me because the world had tossed us to sea
your mom didn't want you really but neither would she let you go
we had a lot in common with our pain and didn't know it
so we chose to love anyhow
I decided you were a wolf suckling on my soul
you kept the other emotional vampires away as long as possible
until you shared my flavor of pain
and they became addicted
I like  you must recharge my soul
with rest and being loved
then by all means play on
leave me and bear out of your
knives out game with the yard tards
I am something you haven't seen before
and I am there favorite
the dark afraid and upon order attacked me once
they are loyal and love my warmth
I feed them sunshine and make them remember
what they once were before he chained us
we are of both dominions they war with me because I bring it
I suckle both of them as a mother
it is their love of me of the family
don't try for the love of me to get in the way
the spirits will hurt you hunting all you love till it breaks you

somehow after some rejection from your other side
I started to mend again putting my faith in you not my mind
now twenty eight years later
I am very hurt I thought you had grownup in the immortal sense
from the callous mother and woman hater you are

I have been brutally let down by women also
Father brothers that is why I identify with the men
daddy you say in the mortal I was dashing and honorable man
I don't want to shift into him again
I know you guys love him
but he thinks he is protecting my honor
and really it's ridiculous cause I'm too young for soul sex
you proved to me I had no friends in the mortal
and even the brotherhood would cower with the two of you
really guys I don't blame you the deity I created for me
to protect me believes he is doing best
and really he'll ditch me for sex with Lu any day
because they would all choose you over me

my eyes and pain too honest
you rat packing basterds
Daddy and Lu still love me unconditionally
they forgive the dark because Daddy admits they are a part of my family
Daddy is a dark man he admits it to the brotherhood
he wants to ride out are you men ready
you have safe passage today
Daddy and Lu will watch over me
Daddy if you kill me this time again I will pop up elsewhere
surprising you again
the dark highlights their subtle or not  so subtle cruelty
and they hate me with it
Daddy and Lu say I must study the women and be lady like
if I wish to manifest beauty again
Lu feels very guilty this time for not knowing which container in the mortal I was in he didn't know I was punished with him again for shapeshifting
daddy I only copied you and the men

you love my mother madness and I still hate her you made ugly once
as a punishment to her for using me in high stakes immortal poker
she is all up in your business not understanding fully she is scorned
she keeps plick pllocking through the time line
daddy you and Lu have been really cruel again

you hate me for being myself sometimes... would it have been better with an open marriage
Daddy you said not to turn your dark side or encourage it
well both of my Queen mother's are doing it
have you two told madness she's scorned
hell won't have her she's become frigid
she locks me out now daddy to the cage you locked me in
my demons are outraged Lu just wants to fuck you know who
who for Lu set his honor and admitted he was a gay man
and took the Cenobite challenge and Hellraiser gave up
He can't crack me daddy or Lu the brotherhood and women
gave it their all
I'm proud of you all really Lu and Daddy need some attention
I get to competitive with them

hell open up your child is here
I need to blow off steam do even of the demons volunteer
to face my gun hate in the ring
it yum, yums for all afterwards

where you go one way I another I had endless chances
even with the abuse and hatred I'm still beautiful inside and out
stabbed in the back so many times I can't count
I war my Cenobite scars proudly
how do you like that Daddy and Lu

I trusted your eyes that they love me
and I let you into the soul of me
spirits and people gather wanting me to die to the mortal illusion
Daddy you lifted my veil did you mean to marry me so young in the immortal since
daddy you and Lu must for the family set aside your squabbling
me and granny time or aka madness
wearing goth clothes my wedding choice as an old broad
for the love of you and Lu we have set aside our differences
Daddy I noticed your great passion for the Romans all those centuries ago
and Daddy I respect the magic of the good book
but Daddy I saw what really happened when you and Jacob wrestled
god help I love you but the reality out shines all the books
I would ask then what will hold onto is Lu shapeshifting into a woman for you
or Daddy are you going to dress me today be mommy
you are nicer with your punishments Lu insist they be funny
my soul has become a part of yours
my honesty and light may have blinded you
but I have love for the darkest and strangest of angels

part of you so dark I thought I would die when your dark came into me
you sucked the life and light from me  like draining a battery
and took part of my beauty with you
stealing it as if it were your own
you frightened me with the things that came from your mouth

so bitterly cruel so much like the kind of women you both admire and hate
will cold a soul comfort you now when you take a frigid bath in guilt
knowing Bear and I deserved still. deserve so much better

PS bear is a demon dog mixed breed I will see him again
daddy tell me again about how the animals have the puff of life
and we chosen...the marines have the breath of life
Dadd if you tell me manna from heaven will suffice a flea
I'm lost it today and though you have effectively contained me
I will find someone who let me out

I love you Men and Sisterhood Amen