deepundergroundpoetry.com
golden age
the morning bird perches fat and proud on the rooftops
belts out his song of the airy state of the world as he sees it
bursting with pomp and pride
little feathered head full of steam
i hear him down below but his confident trills
fail to register with my fading senses
seems he's spent so long on the rooftops
he's forgotten what the torn-up concrete looks like
between sooty cracked-plaster walls
can't fault him for staying up there i suppose
i head back inside and flip on the news
where my proud congressman's mapped the path
for our grand auld nation in its golden age
i turn off the tv and head back outside
to listen to the birds
belts out his song of the airy state of the world as he sees it
bursting with pomp and pride
little feathered head full of steam
i hear him down below but his confident trills
fail to register with my fading senses
seems he's spent so long on the rooftops
he's forgotten what the torn-up concrete looks like
between sooty cracked-plaster walls
can't fault him for staying up there i suppose
i head back inside and flip on the news
where my proud congressman's mapped the path
for our grand auld nation in its golden age
i turn off the tv and head back outside
to listen to the birds
Published 6th May 2012
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likes 6
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comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
6th May 2012 3:18am
i like the connection between the bird and the congressman, both proud and preaching their views of the world. it's interesting with the second stanza how the bird is also as corrupt (or naive) as the congressman.
i also like the narrator's preference to the birds and how the third stanza incorporates the title into the poem.
one thing: in the second stanza, the last line threw me off a little bit and i had to go back and read back a few lines to see if i understood correctly. i feel like there maybe should be a space between the third and fourth lines.
i also like the narrator's preference to the birds and how the third stanza incorporates the title into the poem.
one thing: in the second stanza, the last line threw me off a little bit and i had to go back and read back a few lines to see if i understood correctly. i feel like there maybe should be a space between the third and fourth lines.
6th May 2012 7:08am
Glad you liked it so much. In the second stanza, I intended it to feel more naive and removed from the real world than corrupt, but that's an interesting interpretation. I wasn't sure about that 2nd stanza last line either, I realize there's a glitch there without punctuation to guide it but I don't know if it's strong enough of a line to be a one-liner. But I don't know if just taking it out would leave that thought too impersonal and removed from the speaker, so I left it as is. I'll think on it or see if anyone else has any thoughts as well. Thanks as always for the read and commentary!
6th May 2012 8:35am
I also prefer to listen to the birds.
"belts out his song of the airy state of the world as he sees it"
That's a great observational line. Had a good calm feel to it and easy for the eye to fall down.
Excellent write, Mike.
"belts out his song of the airy state of the world as he sees it"
That's a great observational line. Had a good calm feel to it and easy for the eye to fall down.
Excellent write, Mike.
6th May 2012 8:57am
Thanks Mr. A for your input. That line was probably my most-fiddled-with line throughout the writing process, because I felt a lot hinged on it conveying itself accurately.
