Heartbreak

 
my heart keens, breaking inside
it hurts but my mind denies what is obvious
he's just not that into me

creating solid foundations from clouds
wearing a smile that never touches my eyes
my soul too evidently bare
seeking your affection

giving and receiving my meager meal
preparing a banquet of dreams
seducing the lonely hours
counting the minutes with you
they may be our last after all

fearing the future
I'm not up for more rejection
there is no happy place without you
you are my best friend and I miss you

ignoring the pangs in my chest
when I Love You sounds empty
it echoes in my soul returning to me as hollow

looking at you with trust
with the knowledge I've forfeited my dignity
my heart cries big sorrowful tears
I don't them show on my face

I'm grateful for your love
but I'm a broken vessel
my mind reminds me
my pain comes with emotional tolls

people's feelings are pricey
one like me has to settle for a wife-beater
or worse one who cheats on me
even if it's not with his dick
his heart slipped noticing everyone but me

starving in the ashes
gaunt and in ill repair
I'm used as bait
and my own sisters stab me in back
taking up his cause with his easy smile
that shines on you and makes you feel special

it is now reserved for everyone else
what I see now are his daydreams
visions of being somewhere with the other hers

I'm sure he loves me and feels responsible
but I better not get in the way
when he chooses to shelve me
as a dolly whose buttons have worn off from too much use
lying cast aside and forgotten about

I'm a shrew for wanting to spend time with him
watching races and sports
smiling and taking an interest in what I dislike
I've put aside my interest for him
listening to music he likes just to be close to him

no one cares not really
they remind me with their mean poetry
I feel cast aside my sexual needs forgotten
it's too much trouble to please me
when the easy girls who don't know him think he's their next meal ticket
a smile later and their naked
I hurt knowing she's after a better life
hopping from one dude to the next
she will break his heart

his ego can't take that shot
but I don't want to have to vy for his attention
his mind is elsewhere and I'm all alone in the bedroom,

looking insane as usual
for desiring my heart be cherished