Suicide..

Tuesday February 14, 2012

Do you want to know why I am laying dead on your kitchen floor Sarah? Maybe reading this will enlighten you, you stupid slut.
I never thought waking up on a cold, frosty; Ohio winter morning could have felt so good. I had been thinking about how this day would go for the last couple of months now. Of how you, my beautiful Sarah would react when I took the big leap. So instead of going to work, I altered my daily routine by stopping by your apartment to end the peaceful slumber of the girl of my dreams with a large diamond engagement ring, with the words ‘forever yours’ engraved into the band. I thought this would be the happiest day of my life Sarah... Why did you have to go and do it?

As I quietly opened your front door and crept up the stairs to the bedroom where you would be laying after the late shift of work you told me you had and as I peeked around the corner, I stopped in my tracks as my blood ran cold. Not only did I see you, peacefully snuggled under the blankets, but a young handsome man who had his arms around your waist, gently pulling you closer to him with a look of pleasant satisfaction plastered across his face. I closed your door and I felt the room spin. I stumbled down the stairs into the kitchen to then pull open the draw with the handgun laying inside, urging me to take it and shoot you and your stupid lover. I started feeling the darkness close in as I closed my eyes and remembered when I knew you were the one for me.

Do you remember the day in the snow Sarah? When we felt like the only two people on this earth and that was all that mattered? I remember gliding across the ice with you, hand in hand. I remember how you started throwing snowballs at me so retaliated in similar fashion. I remember lying down with you to make snow angels, feeling the happiest I have ever felt in my life. I remember the kisses we shared, the warmth of your lips against mine, and even though it was freezing cold, I wanted to stay by your side till the end of time. I remember when you held me close and whispered that one word that changed my life, ‘Forever’. My heart glowed as this one word gave me hope for a future with a beautiful woman who would complete me; who would give me a reason for living.

As I opened my eyes, I felt nothing as all my emotions turned as black as coal with the pain and hurt you had caused. I start to feel physically sick, like my stomach was in a knot, imagining the things you have done with HIM. How long have you been cheating on me Sarah? How many times had you been in bed with me, but wishing it was him? Did you enjoy lying to me so you could go play with your boy toy? I hope the feeling of tearing out my heart and crushing it until there is nothing left leaves you feeling satisfied at the end of the day. I cannot believe I trusted you! I cannot believe I was going to propose to you... Your heart must be made of stone if you could keep this charade up and not feel guilty. So now as I hear the shower running upstairs... I am putting the gun to my chest. I know I will not feel any pain, as you have already killed me inside. Every dream, every hope and every wish I ever had, you have singlehandedly destroyed. Darkness is all that will remain in my place.

I hope you like the ring Sarah. It will remind you that you are the reason I am dead. I swear to you now; not one day will go by when you will not think of me. I could have killed you Sarah. You AND your lover. You are the one that deserved this bullet, not I. Do you want to know why I ended my life instead of yours? Because Karma’s just like you, a big fat bitch.