deepundergroundpoetry.com
And the pillows stand as tombstones
He breaks
into me
like I'm
unconsecrated
ground
(oh god)
his skin
tastes like
suicide
Written by
Betty
Published 7th Mar 2024
| Edited 11th Mar 2024
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 20
reading list entries 7
comments 36
reads 626
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
7th Mar 2024 3:27am
A little dark, kinda like walking between graves at night and there is steam rising from them. We like that sexual edge to the piece, tight
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:22am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
7th Mar 2024 4:11am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
Dear B,
I will never look at my pillows the same ever again. This makes me think if I have to off myself there could be worse ways to go than by some dude into me. Just a secondary random side thought.
My first thought was, oh boy, been there. Superb write. H🌷
PS I’ve re read this several times. There’s something that keeps calling me back to it. The closing lines are haunting for me. I think I finally figured out why. It reminded me of something I repressed long ago regarding a dead end relationship and my feeling as I slowly realized I needed out. ONLY writing like this could evoke a memory that deeply hidden.
I will never look at my pillows the same ever again. This makes me think if I have to off myself there could be worse ways to go than by some dude into me. Just a secondary random side thought.
My first thought was, oh boy, been there. Superb write. H🌷
PS I’ve re read this several times. There’s something that keeps calling me back to it. The closing lines are haunting for me. I think I finally figured out why. It reminded me of something I repressed long ago regarding a dead end relationship and my feeling as I slowly realized I needed out. ONLY writing like this could evoke a memory that deeply hidden.
1
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:23am
You are making me blush, and not even in the naughty-bits.
Thank you. It's really high praise to pick open the edge of a memory. I think as writers we all aim to evoke emotion, even if it's ugly, even if it's hard. I appreciate you sharing this with me.
Thank you. It's really high praise to pick open the edge of a memory. I think as writers we all aim to evoke emotion, even if it's ugly, even if it's hard. I appreciate you sharing this with me.
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
7th Mar 2024 6:28am
Stirring opening verse, what a way to be got up in the morning
He breaks
into me
like I'm
unconsecrated
grounds
Suggests a man who likes it rampant and wild, 'within an inch of your life'.
He breaks
into me
like I'm
unconsecrated
grounds
Suggests a man who likes it rampant and wild, 'within an inch of your life'.
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:24am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
7th Mar 2024 11:20am
Update your insurance.
We all dream of being able to keep up with you.
We all dream of being able to keep up with you.
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:26am
You know, if there were enough of you -- I think you could almost keep up with me.
Keep dreaming, sweet friend. Those dreams leech into my subconscious and make me live my debauched fuckery of a life even harder... and then write all about it.
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
7th Mar 2024 11:43am
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:26am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
7th Mar 2024 2:15pm
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:27am
It was a margarita kind of night. I'll let you imagine where I licked the salt from...
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
Anonymous
7th Mar 2024 2:47pm
Intense...raw...visual....visceral...
Damn!!
Damn!!
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:27am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
8th Mar 2024 00:11am
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:28am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
Anonymous
8th Mar 2024 1:07pm
That last line knocks the reader on their ass. With the title it's lethal
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:37am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
8th Mar 2024 3:52pm
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:37am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
9th Mar 2024 2:03am
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:36am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
10th Mar 2024 10:26am
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:36am
Right -- that DIE FOR IT DICK.
They need to label that shit so we can just scan a barcode with our phone to know if it's going to kill us in advance. Ain't nobody got time for bad canned dick. I don't want food-poisoning dick. I want DIE FOR IT DICK.
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 1:29am
That title... damn.
Actually, "like suicide" seems misplaced to me, bucko. Because the "he" is an active aggressor in the situation. Yeah? So it's like you're a willing (but not fatally) participant.
Unless the taste is his own suicide, perhaps. He willed himself to enter the no trespass...
Actually, "like suicide" seems misplaced to me, bucko. Because the "he" is an active aggressor in the situation. Yeah? So it's like you're a willing (but not fatally) participant.
Unless the taste is his own suicide, perhaps. He willed himself to enter the no trespass...
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
Oh, you have to go a little deeper for this one. Let's play:
The narrator had to kill someone vital to be here. Probably herself. Seems willing.
Or, maybe it's literal. Maybe the subject is just the gun. Maybe the narrator is maneuvering someone else, someone off screen, to supply the bullets and pull the trigger. Maybe his skin IS suicide.
Or fuck, maybe it's just a play on the French word for orgasm, you know, little death.
OR, the fact that you can't be buried in consecrated ground when you commit suicide, and he's burying himself in her... I mean... I almost feel like that was on purpose. (wink)
So many ways to analyze ...
I'll leave it to the reader to decide.
Either way, I like sex and the macabre, and I love the way it ends. I really love the way it ends.
Thanks my brother-from-another-mother. I appreciate your candor. I always do.
The narrator had to kill someone vital to be here. Probably herself. Seems willing.
Or, maybe it's literal. Maybe the subject is just the gun. Maybe the narrator is maneuvering someone else, someone off screen, to supply the bullets and pull the trigger. Maybe his skin IS suicide.
Or fuck, maybe it's just a play on the French word for orgasm, you know, little death.
OR, the fact that you can't be buried in consecrated ground when you commit suicide, and he's burying himself in her... I mean... I almost feel like that was on purpose. (wink)
So many ways to analyze ...
I'll leave it to the reader to decide.
Either way, I like sex and the macabre, and I love the way it ends. I really love the way it ends.
Thanks my brother-from-another-mother. I appreciate your candor. I always do.
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:33am
Hello Betty I missed you beautiful this is powerful
is it sucide to taste?
is it sucide to taste?
0
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 2:39am
Hello lovely, I'm not really back-back. My world is insane. In good ways, but my schedule is brutal and I spend all of my free time forgetting.
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
11th Mar 2024 3:57am
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
20th Mar 2024 9:21pm
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
20th Apr 2024 2:10am
It tastes like new sweat, and the tip of your tongue coated in the brine of my need. Like raw male skin as it slaps against mine.
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
20th Apr 2024 12:03pm
OMG are you sure about that?
I like coated in the brine of your need
Richard
I like coated in the brine of your need
Richard
0
Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
31st May 2024 6:19pm
Re: Re. And the pillows stand as tombstones
31st May 2024 8:27pm