Northern youth…

I’m nostalgic for a time that I never knew
I’m lost in memories that simply aren’t true
Colours fade, and the days change
The sun doesn’t rise anymore

I can’t escape, my foot’s on the break
Time gets lost around me
I can see the smiles and rides that once used to be
But they were never known to me

Thinking, drinking, talking, weeping
I can’t really remember my youth
I look up to the sky and I just want to cry
All of those things I let them do to me

All of the drugs, all the assaults
Why did I let it be so?
Friends stealing from my bag, driving me mad
Why did they want me addicted?

I used to lie in the alley’s, passed out and unafraid
I didn’t care what anyone would do to me
I befriended the rapists, the paedo’s, smack addicts
I’d hang out with anyone just to have a friend

Knife threats on the daily, people calling me crazy
None of it mattered to me
If I could just get my hit, the rest would be bliss
We could go and rob the shop later

Psychological manipulation, rumours shouted a’top the table
I knew I didn’t really have syphilis or clap
Yet I let them all in my head, I believed what they said
I’d become exactly what they wanted

Thieving money from my parents
Deranged and degraded, oh what did it matter anymore
Being trapped inside houses with men who despised me
The end felt near by that point

The girl I once knew was no longer there
And I certainly hadn’t become a woman
Dreams shattered, hopes lost, upset and ashamed
I lay in a mess of my own making