Regret

 
affliction dear please afford me this confession
assorted pain dances in my mind tormenting me
the ghosts of my children's childhoods

I see their baby faces
not enough food to sustain their grumbling bellies
they still visit me in my resting state
I see their young faces knowing I failed them
they haunt my existence I see threads wait more like nooses
troubling the present trying to hang them
 
none of my grown children want anything to do with each other
too many bad memories
still basically living in poverty
born in a pit of mother too young
a welfare trap seeking to stay generation-strong
 
I gave them up for adoption
though I still saw them
it was a desperate attempt to save them
sadly genetics have a say
and my children struggle much the same way I do
 
anxiety hits us all when one is anxious we feel it coursing through us
connected or tethered to each other
my son writes just like I do
a family trait my dad did before me
 
sacred honesty, I feel the pain of the world
I feel like I've let everyone down
my idea that good prevails over bad
died when my children were little
I am bitter with regret
I don't believe there is a lesson