it's a living

 
 
it's gotta be Monday 2.0
waking up to another cup of what the fuck
still seeing darkness through the bedroom window
and that damn alarm screaming insistently
rubbing my last ragged nerve until it's raw
I'm not ready to rise
another day
another punch of the clock
grinding through corporate mediocrity
this isn't who I used to be
but that was another life
better times
today I'm filling pockets for some other guy
twice a month scoring another tiny paycheck
but it pays my bills & they're good to me, in all honesty
keep offering to bump me up the management ladder
but...no way
I'm done with that
I can barely navigate my own reality  
don't want anyone else answering to me
clock in...
do the job & check out
no emotional investment
when they hired me
they knew what they were getting
and I give them my best...
(while I'm working)
at the end of the day that's where it stays
right there on the desk
no friends among the colleagues  
I learned that lesson the hard way
it was the worst
took a year of constant hurting
before I could truly process
sometimes perception is not the truth
and when the chips are down
they'll turn their backs on you
one by one my allies fell
by the end I could easily tell
I know who my real friends are now
not many but they're important  
and when their time eventually came to depart the scene...
by choice or by axe...
I was there for them
but this new place...it's just employment  
once in I while I actually find a little enjoyment  
with no expectations
I find that the safest
 
 
 
 
 
 
For 20 years I was Executive Secretary for a non-profit company providing supports to individuals who experience deveopmental disabilities. Our entire focus & reward was in helping people to live the best life they could. When my supervisor retired in 2020 the new guy came in & destroyed a 40 year national reputation for excellence & compassion. Many of us lost our jobs because we continued to believe we should be leading with our hearts, not the bottom line. I chose to leave before the ax fell on my neck too...found a job in the corporate field that actually provides more humanity than that man did...still...it was a hard change to make