TLDR: I finally learned to dream  

Baby, dream of me tonight  
so I can stay awake  
and watch the world  
on your skin  
becuase I can't shake  
the sadness  
 
let me take one night  
to slide  
between the folds  
of your being as you  
dream in places  
that used to be mine,  
 
your dark lashes still  
on your pale cheeks  
and your chest  
warm under  
my palm,  
   
I want to inhale the way you  
smell of man and  
that brand of soap  
that clings to my  
mind like your hand  
clung to my waist  
all night  
 
and I'll be here,  
propped up  
on one elbow,  
chin on my fisted hand,  
to count the  
red hairs in your  
beard  
 
and say, so soft as to  
not sway you  
from your sleep,  
 
that I love you.  
 
I love you  
in ways that  
leave me shaken  
and crazed,  
and as much as  
I’m going to pretend otherwise,  
 
I always will  
 
love you  
 
I'll whisper to dreaming you  
the best parts of our story,  
like:  
I told you  
I loved you  
for the first time  
when you were on your long  
drive to get the donuts,  
and that was the best fucking day  
of my life    
 
and the last time you left me  
was the worst  
 
I’ll stop whispering when you stir  
and use the tip of my nail  
to drawn our names in a heart  
on your shoulder.  
and just will you  
to know you were  
true joy  
in my life,  
something new  
and good  
 
and for someone as  
fucked up as I am  
it made you a treasure  
worth hoarding  
worth having,  
and losing  
 
you let me drown alone  
so tomorrow I’ll have to hate you  
in order to get out of bed and exist  
 
but tonight,  
my love,  
my love,  
tonight is the last night of our life  
so I need to live in your exhale  
as if there is no tomorrow,  
 
because for us…  
 
(for us)  
 
But right now.  
 
I need to see your soft lips this last time,  
to imagine them curled around my finger,  
so you could win the  
fight over the best  
side of a Twix bar  
as you make me  
squirm with  
unfulfilled lust  
 
and fuck,  
 
lust  
 
I can’t look at a coffee table,  
or car,  
or the fucking stairs,  
or a hammock,  
or the couch,  
or the shower,  
or that limo you got one date night.  
(and you had to tip the driver double to not watch)  
or the goddamn floor  
without a twinge  
in my stomach,  
and lower  
 
my body has the outline of your  
cells embedded in my skin,  
and muscle memory is a bitch  
some days,  
and my tendons still  
scream that they want you  
 
that I want you  
 
right now I want to lean in  
and enjoy  
how you fit me …  
just right…  
just right...  
 
and weep silent eulogies to the way  
I loved your voice  
your face  
your smile  
the way you made me laugh  
and the way you  
 
(inhale. )  
 
and the way you  
made me love  
 
I’ll stay the night here  
watching you watch sheep pass,  
a small smile  
on your face,  
for a moment  
when you aren’t  
killing yourself  
to make everyone  
happy.  
 
I’m going to stay here  
and be more in love  
than I ever will be again  
 
with the hero of every  
fucking story I  
cared to tell.  
 
Tomorrow you’ll wake  
naked, alone, with  
nothing but a damp space  
in your inner mind  
from where I use to be,  
 
and you’ll have the freedom  
you really need to be  
who you really are,  
and I’ll hate you  
for that.  
 
Because I have to.  
 
But I’m saving that  
for later.  
 
When I was young,  
I didn’t dare to dream.  
You showed me a new way.  
 
So tonight I’ll watch you sleep  
Because  
 
I’ll be alone  
for the rest of time  
in a way  
no one else  
can see  
 
But tonight,  
baby,  
 
(inhale)  
 
tonight, I’m going  
to learn to dream  
 
to really dream  
 
so that the only  
dream I ever have  
 
is you.