ENTHEOGENESIS, A CHANGA TRIP

It was the second calling from the sacred spirit molecule. The first calling, years ago, resulted into a smooth exciting initiation with me going just across the nearest dimension without any interaction.  
A tiny sachet of magic greenery was yet to be burnt in the triangle shaped pocket of a black bong.  
I tried to make myself comfortable but my heart rate was too high. That was weird, because I always approach any psychedelic experience with curiosity and joy but with no expectation, picturing it as a blank paper that is about to be drawn. But this time it was different. Panic and fear were felt in a form of premonition of some kind. I asked the Shaman, “Will I die?
 
 
THE FIRST 3 SECONDS
At the very first moment of the brave inhalation, there was a blast of the holy smoke in my lungs, almost like a vapor artistic supernova explosion towards my head, spreading the intense smell of changa all over my upper body, the odor of Death. Simultaneously, a crazy rumbling “vroommm” sound was getting louder and louder giving me a strong hit on the chest and intensely increasing vibrations all over my body, as if you are about to take off from the planet, followed by another whooshing sound likewise the one of a launch of a missile with a sudden violent shaky feeling of elevation, with a sensation of leaving the physical body.  
My visual perception went kaleidoscope for a second while I was still in the process of inhaling and a dense yellowish fog started to flood my vision coming from the corners of my eyes towards the center of my unmoved focus which was the white wall with three quite big plants inhabiting the space in front of it, across my sitting area. The liquid fog flooded everything soon enough as the room was immerging itself in fantasy.  
The first thought that emerged was “Oh, fuck. When will this be over?”, with the strongest fear taking over me. I made some effort to breath but after one or two surreal breaths where I was really feeling how the oxygen circulates my cells, I had lungs no more. My essence /soul /etheric body or core consciousness (I have no idea how to put it), was transferred/ ascended/ dragged rapidly and abruptly to a higher, difficult to perceive and describe realm, almost like I was pulled by the neck, while having a tremendous weight of nothingness sitting on my neck and chest. And I knew, death was showing itself to me.  
 
DYING IN A SQUARE  
The sensation was like an unbearable overwhelming etheric pain, I was feeling death so close to me that I was doubting I will survive this. I was completely paralyzed and death looked like a salvation at that point, as a relief of that tremendous pain. I couldn’t escape it and I wouldn’t die either. I had to stay with it, bear it, go through it with a non-comforting dim knowing that the effect of the drug will fade away after some time. Soon, time was not only distorted but non existing at all, it just wasn’t there, it was not real.  
My physical body was trying to cope but the pain wasn’t physical at most. I would describe it as if you just had a fatal car crash, trapped, yearning to die or as if a building had been demolished and you are underneath struggling to breath. Another way to put it though, is as if you are dying but you are not there yet and the pain is the one of the soul, detaching itself from the body.  
So, there I was in that dimension of some weird square energy forms, also feeling like I’m crammed in a box, suffering and dying for several minutes. I wanted this to end but there was no other way there. Now that I think of it, my mind may had associated the square with a coffin or a grave. Or not. The knowing though that this is how death feels like was present. There is no other better word to describe it other than DYING.  
What is death though? Death is birth, reversed. The two poles of the same thing, existence. Parts of its circle. It has that fearful sense when we think of it, maybe not because of the fear of the unknown but because we know, in our essence, that birth and death are agonizing alternations of existing and the journey may be scary.  
The communication language was visual, telepathic, through feeling and also sonic. At some point I opened my eyes (I now realize that I had closed them out of fear) and I saw my 3 plants, very much alive, extremely active, vibrating colors and sounds, angry and terrifying, buzzing very loudly in an earthquake rhythm like moving back and forth, a bass like but high pitch sound. All 3 plants looked horrifying but especially one of them had a monster-like appearance scolding me fiercely. Apparently, it didn’t like at all the fact that I had kept it inside and decorated it with Christmas lights. The terror was so bad that If I had a body, I would have pied myself, but when I checked, my whole body was liquid.  
 
 
THE WAVE BEINGS DIMENSION  
I got so scared I closed my eyes again, only to be found elsewhere, while the pain and intense fear were still governing me. When I was opening my eyes, that dimension was still in front of me, but semi-transparent-like. I still had the awareness of who I was and what I did and I tried to surrender, I tried to calm myself down with the thought that it’d get over, or at least I can enjoy it a little, I just had to stop resisting.  
The elsewhere appeared as I moved my eyes slightly to my left, where I saw some entities just being there in a waterfall (with no water), rocky (with no rocks) place. It seemed like my vision was very limited to what was actually there, those foggy entities were moving in a wave like movement and the had wave like form. Their energy felt superior, very different, pure, raw, confident, protective, wise and somewhat friendly.  
The overwhelming sensation, moreover to what I was seeing gave my human body the need to cough. And as I found out later on, that was 7 minutes after the inhalation, although it felt like eternity.  
It seemed like I had 2-3 shorts visits in and out the physical plane just to cough, observing myself coughing and wanting to throw up. Even though the control of my body was totally lost from the beginning, I managed to move my head to the side to throw up, which didn’t happen. My thought at that point were “Oh, my God. I’m dying. Help me!”.  
Somewhere between closed and opened eyes, somewhere between this and the wave beings’ dimension, one of the wave beings swinged really, really close to me, and stayed floating just in front of my open eyes, making herself more obvious to me. She knew that I was struggling because of the sudden vibrational change or intense fear. Her nature seemed somewhat empathic.  
I felt some kind of shame of my ego self in front of her, as well as an awareness of a regret for the lack of respect for all divine things. My ego was drowning in gloom, realizing its little power and importance over everything. I let her know with my thoughts that I can see her (she obviously knew that) and I desperately asked her to heal me. And so she did.  
Slowly, the need to throw up went away, as I distanced myself away from my physical body too which calmed down a little bit. I think I thanked her in with a notion or a thought as she flew her way out in the etheric space.  
I had a sense that she was carrying feminine energy, maybe because of that welcoming, nourishing energy that she shared with me. I surely don’t have a clue if those beings are under the law of gender too, but I still follow my intuition to call her a she.  
 
THE TEACHING  
I think it was after this, when another insane encounter took place. Everything around me, every part of the perceived space was occupied by a form of being or energy. Everything around was something. I still wanted to come back but I was trapped somewhere with no space-time dynamics. Various shaped entities that were literally everywhere with no space in between, were repeating to me teachfully and persistently the word FORGIVENESS, not just with sound, but also with shapes, colors, feelings, images, telepathically and something like vibrating the word.  
My brain by that point felt like mashed potatoes, empty of any intellect ability, but I had to learn the word. I started spelling the word hesitantly, syllabizing it like a little toddler, saying it again and again with them, trying to let them know that I understand the lesson, or else they wouldn’t let me go.  
There was no feeling of danger though, it looked like they just want to help but with a slightly aggressive attitude of “wtf are you doin’ dude”! I was shocked to an extend that I cannot describe.  
 
 
TPAPPED IN A LOOP OF SPACE  
I was moaning and crying, trying to get out of their dimension but time was not there yet. Time was nowhere to be found, no perception of it could be. It had no validity, it did not exist. There was only a sense of eternal stillness and death, I opened my eyes 2 or 3 times just to realize that I am in a time loop of some short, with the plants still dancing and the rest of the room being liquid and wavy. The image of the room would go scarier making me close my eyes again, trying to deny the experience or hide from the fear, or maybe sleep a little bit, my tiredness felt immense, I was waiting for it to pass, waiting for Time to save my ass. I saw something coming, like a white bright wave of light approaching from one side like a slow motion, illuminating tsunami, it had a feeling of salvation or liberation. I thought maybe that was the dynamic of time but I was probably wrong, as not only time didn’t exist yet, but I was about to cease existing too.  
 
 
THE EGO DEATH  
The trip seemed endless but things started to change again, something happened. As I was finally surrendering, the feeling of pain became less and less, among with everything else in my consciousness, until my personal identity was completely lost, as well as my knowing of who I had been, where I am, who I am or what I am doing. My consciousness, free of memories, emotions and definitions fell into a stream of energy which was one and countless, it seemed like a pool or vein or moving branch of something bigger, no beings or people were there but only pure, divine energy, like a luminous force and I was part of it. I found my consciousness, ignorant of everything, trying to understand and define who it is, disorientated and confused but also relieved and happy as a champion. A question was formed by me, “who am I?”, and the immediate answer I got was “THERE IS NO ‘I’…”.  
This outstanding realization and the profound perception of that Oneness was hard to be understood by the consciousness at a first glance, as it had to be something. It was so liberating just floating there in that void of consciousness, being like a drop in the water, being the water, being nothingness, being everything. All I could remember was that this is the answer I was looking for, this is what you truly are. I lingered there in that field of energy in that sea of light with no identity, no thoughts, no feelings, no questions.  
I cannot recall how I left from there, but there was a sense of a gradual descending.  
At some point which I cannot define, (in the scale of real time approximately 15 minutes after the inhalation), as I was moaning with cry out sounds, the only reflex I could use, the Shaman came inside the room. I remember being able to see only the half down part of his body walking towards me. He carefully put his arm around me and his touch felt as the ultimate comfort and rescue and it operated like a bridge to our realm.  
As I was coming back of who I am, going from dimension to dimension was much smoother than ascending them. I felt the presence of all the beings I encountered earlier, letting me go slowly in a nostalgic farewell, as I was slowly entering the third dimension, with the intensity of the trip still being tremendous but bearable.  
 
 
 
THE INCARNATION  
The pain was fading and I was gently falling back to my body, observing that the dimensions were synchronized in a way, like the “as above, as below” concept, like when you are in a dream and you hear a sound of something that it occurs also in reality.  
While the sounds of the neighborhood were mingling distorted with the ones in my mind, I had a heightened feeling that I am in utero about to be born, it was like I could hear what’s happening in the environment but I was still inside a belly. I now knew who I was and what I did, but it didn’t matter the same. Knowledge, meanings and answers were offered to me with generosity, more easily, more openly.  
There were no feelings attached to anything, only a calmness in my mind. I had the sense that the divine spirits were giving me this rebirth experience as a goodbye gift or as a birth trauma healing, or even as a second chance to change the meaning I had been giving to my birth and lifetime. I accepted this gift with joy, very emotional and touched by the wonder of Life.  
I was truly, profoundly being born.  
That descending was not scary, I had the knowing that I am now safe and I was so grateful for this rebirth.  
The Shaman had already put my body to lie down and his hug was liberating, full of freedom and love, likewise the love of a Mother.  
When I was “born” again, I finally opened my eyes and looked at him, shocked as if I see him for the first time. Everything was familiar but felt weird, strange. They were under another perception, with different meanings, or no meaning at all. I stretched my legs with some difficulty, realizing I do have legs, they are mine. The concept of “mine” was reconstructing in my mind.  
Exploring the body and its function as if it was the very first time, I was just amazed but still in a state of shock.  
More than 30 minutes had passed, which is a really long changa trip and I was still in the afterglow state. Recovering in my “shamanic mother’s“ hug with his love surrounding me, a love that I could see with my eyes shut in forms of color. He tried to make me talk but the will to do so wasn’t there at first, almost like I was yet to discover my tongue and how it works to produce sound. With some effort, I said “hi” in my native language, and he responded, to my surprise, “Aww, my baby’s first word!”  
A smile then escaped my shyness, breathing in serenity, feeling euphoric and lighweight.  
Thank you.