Drowning

I am drowning in your love, but you are
Not there to pull me in closer and assure
Me that everything is going to be okay.

I am in way over my head as there is no star
To guide me to the shore. There is an allure
To the water that calls my name. The rays

Of sunshine disappear beneath the waves
As I am now drowning without you to save

Me like you always do. Just keep swimming.
But what if I cannot do this anymore?
Because just simply surviving is not enough

Anymore. The unspoken eyes brimming
With unshed tears and false hope on the shore
Is useless. Yesterday I felt like a sailor; tough

Enough to fight against the wind, rain, and
Storm yet I feel too heavy to lift my own hand

Today to save myself from the thoughts that
Drown out everything else. I thought I was
Drowning in you and your love, but I am

Drowning in myself and in a dead, flat
Promise I made to myself to stop pausing
Life just because the truth slammed

Into me at full force. It is not just the water
Or the pain or the love or the direct slaughter

Of hope that drowned me because if you look
Into my eyes and ask what causes drowning
I would say that it is the lack of wanting to live.

It is the desire to let go of the lifeline and hook
That someone threw at you. It is frowning,
But then pretending to smile and wanting to dive

Into the deep end without wanting to resurface.
You want to finally leave without any trace.