Unquenchable Thirst

Feeling sad
Your touch, your desire
Is active twice, maybe thrice a month
Is not enough.
An unquenchable thirst
Starving for touch
Want to feel your warmth.
You start and stop short.
Am left with me
Taking care of myself.
Our breakthrough, a while back
So encouraging
Deep and beautiful,
It too has subsided.
Another short-lived growth spurt
Turned sour.
Where does
That leave us?
In separate worlds...
Here I am again
Masturbation for self-relief
Cannot replace
My desperate need
To be touched
Romanced and seduced
I need my man
My inner-child
Needs you, your touch
Needs you to want her.
Please do not
Take offense.
Seriously am saying
How I feel.
Your interest in the news
In politics and everything under the sun
Far exceeds your Interest in me.
We will not ever match up.
My reading is limited.
I cannot ever be up to your
Intellectual abilities or standards.
I cannot compete against a barrage
Of news and TV shows.
Honestly am tired of even trying.
Don't want to ask all the time.
Nothing impromptu ever happens.
Always planned.
I love you
I need you
I want you
At almost four years
Things have changed
Sometimes is better.
However, regression the norm.
Don't want you to touch me
Because you feel pressured.
Want it to be from your heart
From your love and interest in me
And for my well being.
So where do we go from here
I am sad
I need touch
I need a lover
Who will show interest
Who wants to touch me
Who wants to give me pleasure.
Won't hit send
Don't want to hurt you
So instead, keep it to myself
While clinging to hope
Suck it up, hold it in
Portray myself falsely
In real time
To protect you, to protect myself.
Am laying here
Missing us,
Missing you
Writing a poem
That will go no where.
Our growth spurt
Was nice
Truly enjoyable
Short-lived though
So I'll bid you
A good night
So I can
Masturbate myself
Make myself the object
Of my own desire.