They're All Going to Laugh at You

 
Barrie White (not to be confused with the American singer)
Was Carrie White’s distant cousin who lived in another town
Turns out his mother too was a despotic religious right winger
When one day he discovered his gift on the school playground

All the kids were always laughing at him, giggling and chuckling
Because he had a knack for the funny, the corny and the punny
So much so that teens would pee themselves from the cackling
He then thought that after school this would make him money

But then the parents called the principal’s office to file complaints
All the high school children were coming home with peed pants
Some even had cracked ribs from the laughs, the falls and faints
They thought Barrie had cast a spell or that he had them in a trance

“You’re a clown now” his mother said smacking him with a bible
“Why didn’t you tell me I was funny momma” he said mixed-up
So she started to quote scripture as the first sin was on the title
When he confessed “momma, after school I’m going to do stand-up”

“They’re all going to laugh at you” she said crying and wailing
“I hope so momma, laughter is the best medicine, it’s very convenient”
“But they’re all going to laugh at you” she said over and over again
“They’re supposed to momma, I’m going to be a great comedian”

The afternoon before his first stand up as he prepared in his room
She walked in on Barrie and said to him “I can hear your dirty jokes”
“It’s called a set up and a punch line momma, please don’t assume...”
“Come let’s pray” she would say trying to kill his dreams and hopes

However, that night at the comedy club, Barrie went overboard
Everyone in the audience shit and pissed themselves from laughter
But they laughed so hard they couldn’t breathe and died on the floor
Leaving Barrie awestruck with grief as he walked home right after

His mother had lit candles all over the house (which was a fire hazard)
She waited for him with a mic “come on funny man,” she taunted and goaded
So Barrie performed his routine for his mother in the living room haphazard
But she laughed so hard, she passed gas and the entire house exploded

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Barrie White tells jokes very well

The End


Next Week…The Whining