Relapse

I feel as if any day now I'll relapse so I smoke and drink till I almost collapse life is a gamble feels like I'm losing my life to the devil in a demonic game of craps sometimes I feel emotionally cold like after the Titanic sank and crashed I've been feeling like my throat and wrist should be slashed because I wanna die fast only then will my problems be a thing of the past when I say "I wanna die fast only then will my problems be a thing of the past " really I'm just lying to myself if I die fast I'll just forever be mourned in a fancy urn made of Victorian style glass.